On a foggy no sun day

It’s 4:30 AM and I’m awake, sitting in bed trying to figure out a mix of emotions, and a slight hangover. Chris went to bed early last night, so after the first 20 minutes of SNL, when the chances of it actually being funny were significantly decreased, I checked his phone. I feel awful that I do it, but I have to. I hadn’t in a while, and I just have to know who is creeping around in the smart phone shadows.

He talked to his ex wife a couple of times last week. Not sure why, but I’m pretty sure she is just annoying. She is no threat, but it still makes me want to scream when he has to call her for information or a password for something they shared. At least it wasn’t kids they shared or something major. Don’t think I could handle that.

Then I saw the slut texted him a couple of weeks ago. The one who nearly destroyed us. The one I think about all the time, still, because I don’t trust him and this is exactly why. He may think nothing inappropriate was said. I let him know that any communication at all from her was inappropriate and cannot happen anymore. He agreed, and said he didn’t even know why she texted him suddenly.

Come on, really? She wanted to know how we were. Hoping we broke up so she could get her dirty paws in there. She’s keeping them close. Hanging out just around the corner, just out of sight, so when she hears of us no longer together, she can swoop down and fuck with him again. He has to see that, right? Well, he does now.

And I grew some balls, though small. I told her not to text him again. Simple. To the point. Just like that. I don’t know if she responded, but he said he would just not respond in the future. Communication with her is not going to help the fact that I may never trust him again. I really don’t think you can trust people, these days. You have to watch them so closely, who they friend and who they text. So much energy just to keep them from wandering in the cyber world. A part of me wonders, when he plays those video games, could he somehow find someone and build a relationship through his little headphone chatty things?

I don’t see it happening, but it could. And my guard and suspicions are always up. They have to be. And I’m not sorry for my actions.