A ticking clock and no compass

Things were getting better, even after a horrible attempt at a 5k, and being kicked out of Shenandoah by the government a day into our camping trip. Yesterday, we didn’t make it to the gym. It was a lazy day for both of us. He just wanted to watch football, and I just wanted to drink beer and get my last french fry binge in before the next 6 week round of trying to reach my goal weight. And complete a freaking 5k.

He woke up at 4am. jumped on his computer to look at porn and play video games, which he is still doing, 7 hours later. So I grabbed my books and started studying for my next exam, in the bedroom. So he is out of my sight, because I hate those video games. And I know he will sit there all day playing them. I just had a lot of coffee, and some caffeinated sugar water. Hopefully it will be enough to get me out of this funk.

I met a man a couple of weeks ago. Super sexy, but married with two kids, and his wife is, of course, gorgeous. He said his marriage has lasted so long because they have something most other couples don’t have. A strong physical attraction. Even when things are shitty, they get better real quick because they can’t resist each other, even approaching 40. I am attracted to Chris, but our physical connection is not that strong. And anyone I have been attracted to that much, well it was just trouble. And I started thinking we were strong enough, and that what we had was good enough. But then I remember his video game addiction, and any physical attraction just instantly dies. It just doesn’t do it for me.

This man also talked about a friend of theirs, who was in an unhappy marriage, but she was at the time and age in her life that she wanted a child. So he asked if he would give that to her, and then they could divorce. And that is how it happened. Apparently she is incredibly happy now. Unmarried, with her child. I thought, well, maybe. I am not the most financially stable person but once I finish school I could be. Being a single parent is hard work though. How my mother did it, I will never understand.

But I understand she is better off without my father in her life. She wanted her family, and as dysfunctional as it is, she got it. Maybe not what she originally planned in her head, but such is life.