Pathetic?

A friend told me I was pathetic.

Because I want to cling to the knowledge.

The knowledge I have gained.

The knowledge that is all I have to show for the years.

The wasted years of my life,

The knowledge that seems to help anyone,

Anyone but me.

How can I know so much,

But understand nothing now?

If I just let go,

Would I have anything to hold onto?

Always tell people that a chance,

A moment of happiness is worth anything to have.

I wish sometimes that I was able to take my own advice so easily,

Not keep finding myself slipping into the same habits.

Making a fool of myself,

I could be making a fool of myself all this while.

I do not even know,

Do not even know if I have a chance.

I suppose it should not matter,

But I still want to know.

(I am not asking.    I’m just . . writing to deal.)