What a wonderful caricature of intimacy.

Everybody knows it’s a farce but we all keep acting.  Trained by experience to ignore the obvious, because when someone steps out of line, they need to get back in as fast as possible.

I don’t like being in line, but I know from experience that stepping out is the ultimate weakness.  Being unable to conquer this speaks volumes about my weak spine.  I expect more from myself that I expect of others, at least I’m honest there.  I hold others to extremely rigid standards.  And I must conquer everything they can’t, I must overcome all of their failings.  Perfection.  I will accept no less, even if it means blatantly ignoring the obvious.

What is and is not true is determined by the masses, and I’ve got them fooled.

We all act, to some degree.  Everyone claims to be someone other than "their true self" when they’re around others.  Is there something romantic about hiding from the world? 

Who I truly am is simply. not. acceptable.  No one knows or understands the huge amounts of self-restraint I exhibit on a daily basis.  What I have to do to appear some semblance of normal.  I see what other people want me to be and I can do that for them.  Because I can’t be myself.  Sometimes I wonder if I even still exist.

Sometimes I worry that I’ll slip.  Self-control has its limits.  But time has tested my strength and I’ll continue this farce, this caricature of normalcy.

Because it’s what everyone expects.  And I can do no less.