Took advantage of myself and felt fine.

Made it to New York and back.  Carnegie Hall was nice.  The bus ride not so much.  A little disappointed to be back home, but quite relieved to be away from the people.

Graduation is in a month.  Picked up my cap and gown yesterday.  Been reviewing for exams.  Calculus has taken away my ability to form complete sentences.

The writhing of dread in the pit of my stomach is unceasing.  I don’t know.  I’m just a kid.  I don’t know anything.  I’m young and stupid and altogether too willing to remain ignorant of everything that I don’t like.  WWJD?  Who gives a fuck.  Jesus would turn water into wine and never let the fish run out.  I don’t even like fish.  I can’t do that.  I can’t be serene and peaceful.

I wish someone hated me.  I wish someone had the guts to stand up to me.  I wish someone would beat the shit out of me.