the results are in, and my life sucks.

I wonder if they think I’m happier not knowing. That they’re saving me undue stress by not telling me. That, somehow, keeping vital information from me is beneficial. But I always find out whether they tell me or not.

Frankly, realizing that everyone knows what’s going on in your life EXCEPT you is disconcerting. And frustrating. My god, is it frustrating. Do they not trust me? Or do they simply think I don’t care to know? Or that I’m happier this way? I try to be forgiving, because they think this is in my best interest. I can only forgive so much. I am only human after all, and as such I am incapable of the grace that would allow me to overlook this.

Jesus, I can’t stand them. Fuck. I’m a month away from being an adult, yet my parents still treat me as though I’m a small child, incapable of understanding what they would tell me. Or maybe they don’t want to tell me because they don’t want to disappoint me. It’s a little late for that. I

‘m tired of this. The worry, the anger, the disappointment, the hopelessness. The knowledge that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I have no goddamn control over anything. The future is so fucking uncertain. So fucking bleak. I don’t want to face it. Fuck.