Please don’t wake me ’til someone cares.

I live near malls now.  I think that’s a little ironic, now that I’m just a hair too old to really enjoy it.  Much like I’m a hair too old to be drinking until I vomit copiously and…expressively.  But I digress.

In many of these malls, there are "Hot Topic"s.  Several years ago (has it really been 7 or 8 years?) I thought that shopping at hot topic was the epitome of "cool".  Back then, it was in fact still somewhat…unconventional.  Still "rebellious" or whatever.  The strange thing, though, is in 7 or 8 years, they haven’t changed.  At all.  The band t shirts on the wall?  Same bands that they had then.  Okay, maybe some of it’s "emo" now–in the good old days, emo didn’t exist (I miss those days), at least in the "mainstream" (which is particularly good at bastardizing…everything.)

I think it’s funny that the little punks who shop at Hot Topic now don’t think I’m "cool" enough to be there, when, in fact, I was doing the whole "goth" thing while they were in grade school.  What’s better, is that I view them as being the, dare I say it, fake ones.  Am I "goth"?  Am I a "punk"?  FUCK NO.  For one, I don’t have the money to support that kind of wardrobe.  Second, I don’t care enough about what other people think of me to bother dressing a certain way.  Isn’t that the point?

I feel comically old for my age.  I’m 4 months shy of 21–exactly, actually.  and I feel like I should be getting down to business and buying pant suits or something.  Whatever it is adults do.  At the same time, I’m unemployed and spend nearly all my time reading for various classes.   What sort of adult is that?  I don’t feel like a real person.  Too old for most things, but unwilling to subscribe to a life of spreadsheets and espresso. 

But hasn’t it always been that way?