One more medicated peaceful moment

I’m thinking of writing a book called "Why I Hate Humanity as a Whole."  It might just end up being a compilation of all 4 and 1/2 years worth of entries.  No, I’m just joking.  Writing really isn’t my thing.  And who would pay to read a book about why I despise them?

Hate is a strong word and I use it loosely.  I lack the emotion to hate, really.  I could only hate someone if they betrayed me, and I have no secrets to tell and I give my trust to no one.

Maintaining a distance between myself and my fellows has become rather a pastime for me.  I like to see how long I can keep people at an arm’s length.  My friends do not know me, and I make no pretense about knowing them.  We are acquaintences, thrown together to perform the social niceties required of us in this day and age.  8 years and I don’t know their favourite colours, their dreams, wishes, hopes…

I am not a sympathetic listener.  I am not a good friend.  I am not a shoulder to cry on.  I am a cold-hearted stubborn bitch who doesn’t care about the people she uses.  And yet, there are people who, despite all of that, persevere in their efforts.  People who won’t leave.  And I repsect them for being better people than I ever could be, because even though I use them, they still come back.  Not because they’re stupid and don’t realize what I am, but because they can see past it, they see something that I can’t. 

But then, they’re probably just delusional.