my whole life is a dark room.

Normalcy, mediocrity, every day day-to-day boring useless SHIT.

I can’t do this.  The smiles, the laughs, the illusion of some kind of future, hope, what the fuck is that?  I don’t know.  I don’t know these people, I see them every day and I don’t know who they are or what the fuck they want from me.  I don’t get it.  Long days spent waiting for something better, slow horror at the realization that this is all there is.  There is nothing better.  This life, the pathetic days of watching these creatures scramble in some semblence of order, what are they doing?  Why does this matter?  The highest form of life?  It’s a fucking joke, we’re all fucking JOKES.  But I’m not fucking laughing.

People like me aren’t supposed to happen.  What am I supposed to do in a world that doesn’t want me?  In a world run by crazies who think I’M the insane one, but the insanity is all in them?  Rationality is a thing of the past and future, and idealism is the product of my imagination.  Is it too much to ask for one fucking day where I don’t feel out of place?  One day to just fit in and be normal and not worry or look for whatever gave us the illusion of superiority? 

I don’t know what I’m doing.  I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.  Meandering without purpose is not an option.  I don’t fucking know anything.  Not one. goddamn. thing.  This life is not worth living.