my life is shit

My life utterly lacks meaning.  I went to “bed” at 10:00, but I couldn’t sleep because I felt shitty and awful.  I’ve been crying a lot, mostly because I miss my sister, some because I hate living with her boyfriend, and some because I’m a stupid, ugly, fat, useless piece of shit.

My life is completely pointless.

People keep telling me that I’m not useless, but they’re wrong.

It’s nice of them to say so.

I’m 24 years old and I make less than $10,000/year.  That’s WITH two college degrees.  I’ve sunk a huge sum of money into a useless education.  What a moron I am.

No one actually cares about education, you only get a job if you know someone.

So I wasted $55,000. 

But that’s ok. 

I’m not even worried about paying the loans back.  I mean, maybe some, but not much.  The government can suck my proverbial cock in that department, as far as I’m concerned.

My mom doesn’t call as often as she used to.  I’m pretty sure it’s because Sister moved home and she’s the one my mom actually gives a shit about.  My mom was going to take $2,500 out of her 410K to give to my sister to buy a new car.  She wouldn’t do that so I could fix my teeth, though, just patted me on the head and said, “too bad.”

My cats don’t really give a shit about me, either, and it’s sad and pathetic that I thought they did.  My sister is just going to take them from me anyway.  Fuck, they’re just animals, right?  It shouldn’t matter.  They only care that I keep their kibble bowl filled and distribute the soft food every night.  Since sister’s BF is too fucking retarded to handle that.

I hate my dog, she’s a stupid cunt.  I take care of her and all she does is ignore me and shed on the floor.  She favors sister’s BF which I can’t figure out because he doesn’t feed her, water her, walk her, or clean up after her.  I do all that shit, but all I get for my trouble is bitten.  I hope she gets hit by a truck.

My job is a pointless waste of time.  The guy I work with is 20-45 minutes late every day with no repercussions.  He does no work.  But if it comes time to lay people off, I’ll get fired before him because he has seniority.  Aren’t unions a wonderful thing?  My job is completely menial, provides no stimulus or challenge, and can easily be performed by a high school student. 

In short, my life is a complete and utter pile of shit, filled with meaningless things to which I ascribed meaning in a futile effort to avoid acknowledging the pointlessness of it all.  I should just walk off a cliff or something.

It’s days like today where it’s a struggle not to eat every pill in this house.