I’ll be home by Saturday.

So another summer is on its last breaths.  I often wonder when I’m going to stop living in terms of summers and winters and semesters and school years.  Is that the true sign of adulthood?

It’s hard for me to believe I graduated high school a mere 3 months ago.  3 months of working full-time, paying bills, and cleaning has made me feel almost grown up.  But I can’t help but look back on this summer with regret.  Where did I spend those last fleeting moments of my childhood?  At McDonalds, making Big Macs for fattys.  And of course I envy my contemporaries, who spent the summer living in mommy and daddy’s house and wallet, driving too fast, eating too much, sleeping too little.  It is a point of bitterness to me, I will admit.

"I know what died that night can never be brought back to life."

I want security.  The warmth of knowing that I am going to be alright.  I want to relax, to rid myself of the overwhelming dread that occupies every fucking waking moment.  But that security is gone.  It has been gone for a long time and it’s not coming back.  But what would I give for just one more carefree day.  One more day where I didn’t feel like I was drowning.

Just one more fucking day.