I support euthanasia

I was supposed to go to the doctor on the 18th, but they cancelled my appointment.  I called to reschedule, but the earliest appointment they have is for January 28th.  I’m losing my insurance on January 26th, when I turn 26.  So, they wouldn’t schedule me. 

When I was growing up, I always thought…I’d be a real person by now.  That I’d have some kind of impact on the world.  At the very least, that I’d have a real job, with health insurance, and benefits.  I mean, I did well in school, I went to college, I graduated…and that was it.  That’s it.  I can’t get a job because I have no practical skills—this is entirely my fault, I know, and I’m not blaming anyone else, I’m just saying. 

I’m almost 26, and my life is just a complete fucking waste.  I have no friends, no job, no life prospects.  I can’t form a relationship, so I’m not going to get married and have kids.  I can’t afford to keep going to college forever.  I literally bring nothing to the world.  There is no purpose to my being here.    

And  no one else seems to have this problem.  ‘They’ say you shouldn’t compare yourself to other people, because you’ll always feel inadequate.  I should think of what I’m thankful for.  But everything I’m thankful for, I didn’t earn.  I’m a mooch.  I live with my sister, I don’t drive, I don’t buy groceries, I don’t work.  I don’t even clean or cook much anymore because I’m pathetic and depressed and exhausted.  I think I’m doing well if I manage to get through a day without any fresh cuts or bruises, without turning to some chemical to ease the shrieking, whining inanity of my own thoughts.  That’s not ‘doing well,’ that’s just sad.  I’m just sad. 

I don’t know why everyone puts up with it.  I don’t know.  Seriously. 

What I should do is simple.  I should just fucking end it, save everyone else the trouble of pretending like I’m not a giant fucking failure.  I mean, that would be for the best.  It’s the fucking responsible thing to do.  I’m a waste of space, I don’t contribute, and in lieu of draining our scant resources, I should man the fuck up and just fucking do it already. 

But I’m too pathetic to do the right thing. 

Maybe we should support euthanasia in this country.