I stand alone.

Every day passes in the same way.  Dread upon waking, days filled with careless motions and petty exchanges, nights of guilt, sorrow, and loneliness.  Now I realize what, for once, my contemporaries knew before me.  That, forgive my colloquial, it sucks to be the one left behind. 

In second grade, my best friend left and started homeschooling.  In 4th grade, my best friend moved away.  In 6th grade, my best friend deserted me.  In 10th grade, my best friend went to boarding school.  In 11th grade, my other best friend went to Finland.  Now they’ve all gone to college.  But I’m still here. 

It’s kind of odd, though.  While all of them have left me behind in the physical sense, it is I that left them behind emotionally.  I don’t "miss" people.  If dropping friends was an Olympic sport, I’d be on the national team. 

And yet, this pervasive sadness will not relent, no matter how often I tell myself that I don’t care.  Now I begin to wonder if deep down in those last shreds of humanity that I do miss them, all of them, and all I want is someone who will always be there, no matter what.  Someone who will, for once, take me with them.

But these thoughts are weak.  Loneliness is the human condition.