I find it desolate.

It’s amazing how the littlest voice, the one whispering "you’re worthless, you’re lazy, you’re a stupid fucker" is the one that can keep you up at night.  How emo.  When I sleep I feel as though I’m wasting time, when I don’t sleep I feel wasted.  Time cannot be retrieved and I often feel as though I am not intelligent or industrious enough to use it well.  I need a schedule. 

I wasted my 4th of July.  Just like I’ve wasted every other day of my pathetic life.  I spent at least 1/3 of every day in bed.  I spend at least 1/3 or every day at work.  I spend the other 1/3 dreading going to work.  Dread is the worst feeling in the world…except the feeling that you get when you know that you’re failing.

Every night I say I’m going to sleep and every morning I wake to the little voice.