Fuck all of it.

Fuck all of them.  Fuck everything. 

Jesus Christ I can’t stand people.  So shallow.  So ignorant.  So GODDAMN FUCKING HAPPY.  They shouldn’t be allowed to be happy.  I hate happiness.  I hate that other people have things in their lives to be happy about.  I hate other people.  I hate how they have families that haven’t fucked their lives up.  I hate how they have friends who actually care about them.  Is it too much to ask for?  I don’t even want a normal life, I’d settle for the one I used to have.  Yeah, we were poor.  Yeah, my dad was a drunk.  But we had a house.  We had heat.  We had food.  I don’t want a lot here.  But I’m so tired of being cold.  The constant chill makes my joints hurt and I feel so fucking old.  I can’t wait until I move into my fucking cardboard box because come january I HAVE NO FUCKING HOUSE.

Oh, yeah, the college I want to go to wants me to send them $200 by May…ha ha ha ha ha ha.   Guess I’m not going there.  I need $400 if I want to go to New York with the rest of the band.  Ha.  Guess I’m not going there, either.  I need $240 by March so I can take the AP tests in May.  He he he.  Guess I’m not doing that.  I couldn’t buy anyone Christmas presents this year, I feel like a such a dick. 

I hate my life.  I hate not being in control.  I hate being a kid.  I hate being dependent on other people.  I hate myself for letting all of this happen.  I hate all of the people that have put me here today.  Fuck it, I just hate everything.