empty of thought

I learned to ignore a lot of things.  That’s what my parents told me to do when I was being teased or bullied at school.  “Just ignore them.”  So I would.  “You’re smarter than them, they aren’t worth your time.”  Probably true, but I didn’t like being made to feel like I was a fool for reacting to their taunts, jibes, horrible acts.  Was I supposed to be of tempered steel, hard and impervious?

I became that way with time.  That which does not kill us makes us stronger, as the cliché goes.  Consciously, I decided to be stronger, and I changed in ways that my conscious mind did not notice. 

I learned to ignore a lot of things.

The word “irrational” is not one I would use to describe myself, and “delusional” is certainly not something that I, a normal, high-functioning person, could possibly be.  I ignore that possibility.  I find it hard to think about, in fact.

If I am honest for a moment, if I listen to the part of myself at the forefront of my mind, then I can say with certainty that I am delusional.  Perhaps even psychotic, even as I continue to be high functioning and normal.

I wonder what else I’m ignoring.  What else I’m not thinking about.