…and it was all very convoluted.

Today is an “I hate everyone” kind of day.  Or rather, it was, as I have isolated myself from the problem and intend on ending the day shortly.

People are so fucking shallow sometimes it makes me sick.  I make me sick.  We’re all so flawed and so goddamned human.  Fuck.  It’s fucking disgusting.  Humanity has no redeeming qualities.  For awhile I was convinced otherwise, but now I know.  This is all just a stupid game and humans will always lose.  Humans are inherently incapable of success and gravitate naturally towards failure.  Failure is easy-much easier than TRYING to be a BETTER FUCKING PERSON.  Fuck.  I fucking hate all of them.

I feel like I’m the only person with morals, the only one who actively tries to make good choices.  Yeah, I’m failing fucking miserably.  But I try.  And I hate myself for my fallability.  But they don’t try, they don’t know how to or whatever or maybe they’re just so fucking lazy and careless and shallow that it doesn’t matter.  Does anything matter to them?  Anything but themselves?  Jesus Fucking Christ they make me want to vomit.

How can they take it for granted?  They’re healthy.  They’re whole.  They’ve been given so many chances.  They will be given so many more…and yet…they just fuck up over and over and over again.  Why?  HOW?  I just don’t fucking get it.  How can anyone be so selfish?

Oh, but I can’t be conceited enough to think that I’m any different, oh no.  I’m not different.  I am just as shallow and ignorant and stupid as the most common commoner.  I fuck up more than they do and what’s worse is that I know I do.  It’s as if I’m a bystander in my own life, watching my mistakes and wincing.  Hell, sometimes I even forget that this is my life, because I could never be such a miserable fuck up.  

What’s the point in trying to improve humanity when they are unwilling to improve themselves?  Why struggle to be a good person when we all end up fertilizing the same flowers?  Why do I bother?  It’s all so fucking hopeless.