an angel came down

Fuck eloquence, life sucks.

There, I said it.  Just like every other over-fucking-emotional drama queen.  Life sucks.

I’m poor and not getting anywhere near enough hours at work.  My grades are nowhere near what they need to be, and I’m about 3% from financial aid probation.  I’m never going to get into pharmacy school.  My mouth is fucked up, but I don’t have the $200 to fix it.  My leg is fucked up indefinitely.  I’m tired of being in pain.  I’m tired of being tired.  I don’t have food, I don’t have money for christmas presents, I just plain don’t have money.  I miss my parents, I miss my bedroom, hell, I miss my entire fucking house, but I never get to go there again, do I? 

I hate myself for being so materialistic.  Other people have it a lot worse than me.  Hell, I used to have it a lot worse myself.  I should be fucking grateful, but I’m too stressed out.  I hate my job but I hate not going there.  I hate school.  But I don’t hate not going there.  There is nothing terrible going on in my life so why the hell can’t I just relax?  We can deal with this, Reid, just breath in, and out, and in…

Every shot at happiness ends in disappointment, and I can’t help but feel maybe it’s just me.  Maybe I’m the failure.  In fact, I know I am.