Ambigender

 “I don’t know,” I said.  “I totally embrace androgyny.”

Snarky laughter.  “No, you don’t.  You’re totally girly.”

And this is why I never bother talking.  As if you know me better than I know myself.

Gender is a complex thing, you know.  I refuse to acknowledge that gender is an either/or choice.  I mean, look at the sky.  Is it black or white?  Well, neither.  And that’s the problem with defining gender as an either/or. 

By “gender” I mean the social construct that dictates what is acceptable behavior for people possessing certain sexual organs.  “Sex” refers to the possession of certain sexual organs, but even that’s not as black and white as you might think.

I do not accept the female gender role, which I find restrictive and demeaning.  At the same time, I do not accept the male gender role, which I find boorish and disgusting.  I refuse to smash myself into a construct that, quite frankly, does not fit.

I do not think I am non-gendered because gender comes from culture and it is impossible to be without culture.

“Ambigender” is a nice word. 

I generally go with “female” when the question comes up, because it’s easier that way.

I have my girly quirks.  I hate insects of all varieties, for example, and I always play an elf in World of Warcraft.  I have a crush on Elvis and I look at pictures of baby animals a LOT.  Awwww kittens…

But there’s a lot of the female gender role I am missing.  I am not nurturing, I hate children, and I play World of Warcraft.  I love video games, and science, and I’m not grossed out by blood, puke, or shit.  My coworker describes me as “the most rational person I’ve ever met.”  Which isn’t to say that all women are irrational…but it’s part of the female stereotype to depend more on the heart than the mind.

I don’t really know the point of this.  Partly I’m annoyed at people who are closed-minded about gender.  Partly I’m annoyed at people who think they know me. 

I’m going to go look up some baby animals now.