5-24-05

I become really quite offended by ornate things that just complicate procedures.  Like having to set my text every time I write an entry.  I guess if I was a 14 year old airhead with no eye for taste or uniformity I would enjoy being able to pick random texts and colours for every entry.  However, I am a perfectionist and detest the sight of every font that isn’t Times New Roman or, as this is, Verdana.

My last day of high school was Monday.  I expected to be a little more broken up about it, but find, like in most situations, that apathy has won out.  With the end of school comes the beginnng of full-time work for the summer.  And the search for a new home, which I need before June 10th.

I write in this more than in my livejournal.  I think I don’t want the people who read my livejournal to know anything about me.  Most people seem content to think of me as a shell of a person.  I wouldn’t want to dissuade them by writing anything remotely personal.  I was trying for an illusion of inhumanity, or rather, nonhumanity.  For the most part I seem to have achieved it. 

Being shallow has its advantages.  Every human is shallow, and any that claim otherwise is simply delusional.  However, there are varying levels of shallowness.  I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t as shallow, or more shallow, than I, however.  Maybe I’m just a cynic.  But every person is out for their own benefit.  It’s natural.  The poetry and art and culture that supposedly add "depth" to a personality are simply means to gain attention and eventually reproductive success. 

But being openly shallow, without any pretense of caring for the people around me, gives me a great amount of freedom.  I don’t have to cater to the feelings of others.  I don’t have to be nice.  I don’t have to try to be friendly.  As a result, I have not set up a pretense of such behavior, so any acts of goodwill are, as a result, genuine.  While mild shallowness creates a necessity for acting and faking, full shallowness dispels it completely.  There is a distinct difference between "fake" and "shallow."  I am not a fake.  I do not waste my time pretending to be deep or loving or anything.  I am shallow.  I care only for myself, for my benefits, for my success.

If everyone was a self-centered as I am, I think the world would be a better place.