10/08/2013

 I’m a massive fucking failure.

I suck at everything.

I got a job editing for the school paper, but it was absurd to think I was smart enough or competent enough for something like that.  I’m not.  I mean, I have a degree so you’d think I could edit for a paper consume mainly by 18 year olds, but…I can’t. 

My financial aid situation is fucked up, so I’m not going to be able to finish my biology degree and go on to pharmacy school.  Which means I have no hope of ever paying back my massive student loans.

I’m looking for more work but literally the only thing in the paper ‘hiring’ lately is the military, which I can’t join because I’m fucking crazy.  And diabetic.  So. 

I cleaned out a bunch of old papers from high school today.  Awards and shit.  No point in keeping them.  They were meaningless.  I got rid of all my graduation cards from high school and college, because they were just taking up space and I don’t want to be reminded of a time when I was less of a fucking loser douchebag.

Baaaaasically I’m miserable and pathetic and I do anything right.  I’m a shitty writer and a shitty editor and a shitty biologist who can’t even get fluorescent bacteria to grow. 

I got a paycheck for the first time in two years and I thought it would feel good but it didn’t.  I just don’t fucking care about anything.