09/15/2012

I have been…not very good.

This whole week has been miserable.

Monday I had my dress fitting.  It was…not that bad.  I guess.  No one said anything, or pointed, but they did stare.  I felt exposed.  No one has ever  seen my scars.  Ever.  That is not how I would have chosen to show them, and those were not the people I would have chosen to show.

I still feel…naked.

Wednesday, both of our cars broke down.  One is going to be $1600 to fix—the damn thing’s not even worth that much.  But what can you do?

I hate my classes.  I’m not learning anything.  It’s a waste of time.  Money.  It’s all just so fucking pointless.

Been chatting with Okcupid boy.  He has a name now, and we are facebook friends, and I am terrified and it’s so pathetic that I wish someone would just punch me. 

I have a doctor’s appointment on Tuesday.  And three exams.  None of which I give a shit about.

I bought a box of pills I don’t especially need. 

So fucking tired all the time.  Can’t sleep.  Won’t sleep.  I can’t focus on anything and everything is so annoying and I know this is depression. 

This is shitty writing but I don’t care.