08/22/2012

I have very little interest in going back to school.

I have very little interest in everything, truth be told.    In anything?  There’s a grammatically correct way to say that, but I don’t know what it is.

If I stop going to school, I have to start paying for school, and that’s an issue.  Because, despite my vastly overpriced education, I can’t even get hired at the public library working for minimum wage. Thank you, American education system, for fucking me over when I was still too naïve and trusting to see what you were doing.

I told my mom that I thought going back to school was “a pointless waste of time,” but she thought I was kidding, or something, and changed the subject to talk about how fucking useless her family is. If pressed, I would probably admit that I think everything  is a pointless waste of time, and that the only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is that The Avengers 2 is coming out in 2015 and I don’t want to miss it.

At least it’s something  to live for.

Anyway, I wasn’t  pressed, because no one ever actually asks me about my thoughts or feelings on anything.  But then they get annoyed when I say things like, “My thoughts on this matter are irrelevant” or “Why are you acting like what I think matters?”  Funny how it’s okay to disregard my feelings, but it’s not  okay to have it pointed out.

Lesson learned.  Placidly accept.  I can do that.

Having thoughts and feelings and emotions is so pointless that I might as well not.  But I keep doing it anyway.  Isn’t that kind of the ‘definition of insanity?’ Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? 

Having feelings is insane.