07/26/2011

 I often wonder, quite seriously, if I am invisible.  I wonder if I am corporeal, if I have a body, if I exist, and if other people are aware of my existence. 

I can see my body.  The actions of others occasionally indicate that they are aware that I have a body, and am present.  Often, though, the actions of others indicate that I am NOT present, that I have NO body, and in fact that I do not even exist as a disembodied consciousness somewhere in the ether.  Is my whole existence a hallucination?  Is there even a me to conceive of myself?  “Cogito, ergo sum.”  I think, therefore I am.  I think, but am I?

If a tree falls in the forest, and no one hears it, did it make a sound?  If a young woman lives, but no one else gives a shit, did she ever really live?

Waves of irrelevance wash over me like the waves of Lake Superior on a stormy day.  They push me under.  I see my own insignificance reflected on the faces of everyone around me.  I really do not matter.

I was thinking of killing myself this coming weekend*, but sister’s BF is going up North to visit her, so I’m responsible for the pets.  That’s all I am, really.  A live-in maid/pet-sitter.

*kind of.