07/16/2011

I’ve been “Up North” visiting my sister since Thursday night.  We went to see the new Harry Potter movie when it opened at midnight on Friday.  I spent all of yesterday with my mother, and that was an adventure.

I got my learner’s permit, so I can learn how to drive.  I didn’t take driver’s ed in high school with everyone else.  I never got my license.  My sister told me that I was going to learn how to drive, and that was that.  I find it terrifying and stressful, and it already made me cry.  I am so pathetic.

Today we took the dog to the beach.  We didn’t stay long because of the bugs.  Later, sister and her BF wanted to go swimming, but I said that I didn’t.  I “hate” swimming after all.  And by “hate” I actually mean “love,” but swimming was something I’ve sacrificed.

I played my piano for a bit, but I’m terrible and I don’t know why I bother.  I have beginning of a new song, but it’s not any good.

My father has been drunk and annoying for my whole visit.  Is it so hard to stay sober for three days?  The way that my parents interact with each other makes me want to kill them both.  Or myself.  Or all of us.  I’m not really sure.

I’ve had some really strange dreams while I’ve been here.

I just want to go home.  My sister is guilt-tripping me because I want to go home.  Like it’s my fault she made a bad life choice and now has to live with it.  I feel for her loneliness, but for god’s sake she didn’t think for three seconds before applying for a job 350 miles away from the place that she considered (and I still consider) home.  What the hell am I supposed to do about it?  I refuse to feel guilty.

Ha ha, as if.  Like I can ever NOT feel guilty.