04/22/2009

The words I need to say so desperately are locked away inside, chained by the utter inadequacy of my command of the English language.

Everything just seems so worthless.  If it was just me, I’d say fuck it.  And sometimes I wish I was all alone, so that I could just say “fuck it” and quit.  Quit life.  Just lie in my bed, surrounded by warmth and safety, until I rotted away into nothing.

But it’s NOT just me.  And so I am bound to a life I deem worthless by the ties I have to people I cannot so callously dismiss.

It’s all old hat, really.  The same old bullshit.  Should I be selfish or selfless?  Should I stay or should I go?  And it’s all so trite and meaningless in the end.  It’s so fucking POINTLESS.  What does this matter?  What do I matter?  Why can’t I just fucking be happy and stop my fucking whining? 

God I hate this shit.  I hate myself, and it’s so boring and tiring but I can’t leave it behind because I’m just fucking pathetic.