Yea, I don’t know

I feel… tired I guess.  A little irritable with myself.  I was sleeping this morning at 9:30 after getting to bed at 2:30 and waking up at around 6:45 for a feeding session that lasted until 8:30, so count em, 5 hours sleep.  So at 9:30, someone knocks on the door, LOUDLY.  So I go running downstairs, clothed in a long sleeved t shirt and undies… nice, huh?  I peek around the door, and pretty sleepily find out what the guy wants.  "Is Jerry M here?"  "No, he’s not."  "Your house was slated for auction this morning, or did you know that?"  "Yes, I knew that."  "So, I’m a real estate agent, and I have some investors that want the house.  What are your plans for it?  Do you plan to stay in it?"  I told him yes, we planned to stay in it, did NOT tell him how we planned to do that, though of course the guy knows.  I explained my sleepy state with "I’m a breast feeding mother, so I grab my sleep whenever I can."  True enough.  I don’t think that’s how the conversation went exactly, but it’s a rough estimate.  He left.  Jerry told me later I should have gotten his card… I was like Why?  He said in case we had to sell in a hurry.  I said But I don’t WANT to sell the house, I want to stay here.  He said we have to be realistic and consider all the options.  Next time, get a card from them.

Sure, whatever… I did forget to mention to Jerry that I was in my underwear for God’s sake, though it’s not like Jerry wouldn’t know that, I never bother to put on clothes when I answer the door, it makes people leave faster… and if I want them to come in, then I’ll go grab some clothes off the floor and jump into them, no biggie.  The day Jerry cares about my state of dress in answering the door is the day I take him to the doctor because something is majorly WRONG.  That man has WEIRD fantasies, and that’s all I’ll say about that.  Of course, he’s concerned for my safety, but the likelihood of anything happening here… you see, tactically, my house is too much of a trap.  It wouldn’t take more than 3 cops, TOPS to trap someone here.  It’s a cul-de-sac.  And it’s off a quiet street, that’s off a quiet street, that’s off a somewhat quiet main street, that’s off a less quiet main street, that’s off a more main street, that’s off a main street.  It’s a freaking MAZE, okay?  The person that was STUPID enough to try something here would quickly be jailed or killed, depending on what they started with the cops.  Plus, we have security signs to warn people away… it’s not something that a halfway intelligent person would even attempt.  It’s so unusual for anyone to even knock on the door… it’s almost always a Mormon boy, or a Jehovah’s Witness, though the Mormon boys stopped coming around when I finally told them it just wasn’t going to happen, my coming to their church.  I’m a lost cause.  And I haven’t seen the JWs in ages either… so it’s been pretty quiet around here, unless you count 5 girls, one really noisy dog (another deterrant, God was she going crazy this morning!), and all their friends.  I knew heading down the stairs it had something to do with the house going to auction this morning, though in retrospect, I’m too damn polite, and I should have just stayed in freaking bed.  It took me another 45 mintues at least to get back to sleep.  I just dwelled on the conversation… WHY, I do not know.  It wasn’t worth my time.  But that’s me, that’s what I do.  It wasn’t even worry, I just kept going over the conversation in my head.  I know Jerry’s got a plan to get the house, the bk is just to stall long enough to put it into action.  Like I said yesterday, he’d better hurry.  But he says it’ll be 30 days, MINIMUM before they’ll even hear the case.  What he wants to do he can do in 10.  And just for the record, this is about the 3rd time in the past two to three years we’ve filed… it used to be a main stalling tactic when we did foreclosures… nothing to be proud of, but worked like a charm every time to stall long enough to get a house out of foreclosure.  All I want is to keep my house.  Everything else can be worked out, but I want to plant my garden this spring knowing that I’ll be here in the summer and fall to enjoy the harvest.  Ya know?  It’s the little things in life…

You know… and I’m doing a total 180 on the topic here… I’ve gone a year and a half with no period.  It’s SO freaking wonderful.  No PMS, no dealing with all the… stuff that you deal with when you get your period.  I mean, if I had to deal with 7 months of misery to get 18 months of no emotional ups and downs, AND the cutest infant on the face of the planet I guess those 7 months (the first 3 months, and the last 4… the middle two were okay.) were worth it in the end.

Though she’s definitely beginning to come into "toddlerhood."  It’s just a matter of time before she gets REALLY mobile, and the kid is already grabby to the point of taking off her diaper (oh, YES, she is!  If she can get to it, she works the velcro tapes off.) and if you have a book in your hand, she rolls herself around, and scooches to you to grab that book… oh, and LOVES my cell phone!  Oh, God, no.  She’s getting herself off the ground and onto all fours, and THANK GOD!  I might, MIGHT start to relax a little.  Holy crap.  I’m also seeing some interesting signs of intelligence.  She heard me on Jerry’s cell phone, and she started grabbing for it… she knew it was me.  She…um… how do I put this?  When you change her diaper, she makes it easier to do so.  I don’t know how to explain it better than that.  I asked her a question today, and Jerry and I BOTH heard her say "Yea."  Okay… she might not have MEANT it… but she said it, all the same.  I think she’ll probably outgrow the nystagmus… she MAY end up needing eye surgery for lazy eye, I’ll have to keep an eye (no pun intended, lol) on that situation, but given that both my mother and I had lazy eye, I have to really think that Alex’s problems with her eye are genetic muscle problems, NOT neurological in nature.  I think I probably should have just gotten her on her stomach more, let her cry it out, instead of "babying" her so much (again, no pun intended, lol…)  She’s such a utter delight to behold.  That whole getting on her stomach to nurse… TOO funny.  I wonder if she gets more milk that way?  It seems to work for her.  I’m SO glad to see her rolling both ways.  It’s kind of odd though…she’ll do it on the bed (scary), on the couch (scarier) but NOT ON THE FREAKING FLOOR!  Where it wouldn’t be scary at all!  What the?  Okay, not totally true, but I don’t know how many times now that’s she’s either rolled off the couch, or nearly rolled off of it, but you put her on the floor, on her tummy, where she’s FULLY capable of rolling to her back… only to have her cry in frustration, and lay there.  Maybe she’ll scooch over to shove something in her mouth.  Sammi gives her stuff, whic

h is a source of scariness for me, though Sammi seems… intent on keeping Alex safe, and when Jerry’s not around, is usually my shadow anyway.  But Sammi DOES want to pick her up and hold her (scary) though she can’t usually, thank goodness.  I am at this point where I can’t leave Alex alone.  And that… is both scary and frustrating.   Let me tell you something though… that kid does a real number on cheese sticks.  She LOVES cheese sticks, and her face LIGHTS UP when she sees them (almost as much as when she sees a breast coming her way, or a bottle nipple, lol…)  And best yet, she doesn’t make a real mess with them.  She manages to get more into her than on her.  A first.  LOL.  At this point, I’m praying she gets some teeth soon, so she can begin to eat more "solid" solid foods, lol.  Oh man… when they start coming, they’re going to come in pairs, maybe more.  That was kind of the way it happened for Sammi… one tooth for a year, and then I couldn’t even keep track, they just all seemed to come in at once.  It didn’t help that Sammi wouldn’t open her mouth for you to check. 

So the girls are having a sleepover… which just kind of happened.  Kristin was already supposed to be staying tomorrow night, her mom asked Jerry, he naturally said yes.  Then Maurisha called today, we haven’t heard from her in AGES… she got Jerry’s cell number from Bec’a Mochaspace, which Bec hasn’t been on in AGES (since I caught her telling SOME GUY, "Hay Sexy"  Jerry shut her DOWN.)  But she’d posted it a long time ago, and I guess Maurisha finally saw it, so she called.  Well, Kristin and Maurisha historically haven’t gotten along.  I think M might be too "ghetto" for K.  I could be wrong (M is black, and K has a white dad, and a mulatto mom, so SOME black, but K is very light skinned)  So we had to work it out whether or not they were going to have a problem with each other if they were both invited to spend the night tonight.  I guess everyone decided to get along, because they’re both here, and there have been no problems.  Even Becca got into the whole "sleepover" idea, and Shabree, other than being hurt at being excluded a few times, has had SOME fun (Shabree is really getting melodramatic, and kind of a PITA over this stuff.  She needs friends of her own, but says the girls in her class don’t like her.  Sigh… double sigh.  She REALLY can’t expect Kristin, who’s 4 years older than her, to be her best friend when she’s Syd’s best friend…she’s GONNA get excluded…)  Man… girls can be SO hard.  I don’t think I’d have all this "drama" with boys, you know?  Don’t get me wrong, because I ADORE my girls.  But they are a LOT of work.

Oh… went to the doctor today… Sydni had a follow up on her ADD…which is actually probably ADHD, when it comes right down to it.  I guess maybe I’m just used to Syd’s "bounciness" that I never really THINK of her as "hyper."  But she is… and she’s particularly bad at bedtime.  The past few nights, we’ve really had to warn her about getting all hyped up, and not going to bed when she needs to.  Anyway, she’s on Ritalin now, and I PRAY it helps, because she’s going to get held back if she can’t get her grades up.  And *I* need to get after the $@&% school about helping her!  They sure do want to pass the buck whenever they can.  But I got a dagnosis now, I got something to work with.  I’m going to get action.  Or else.

Oh, and the DAMN, FREAKING, more symbols, early intervention people NEVER CALLED ME BACK THIS WEEK.  A pox on them!  Okay, so maybe Alex might not, hopefully not, need them.  But Sammi does for sure.  And I wouldn’t MIND them working with Alex just to make sure she’s "on track" with her development, and they didn’t call me back, and how RUDE to make me chase them down.  I’ve already called twice.  It’s just… rude.  Not nice.  Uncool.  Uncalled for.  It PISSES ME OFF.  Can ya tell?  I just… hate making the calls in the first place.  And I forget.  And the ball is in their court.  It’s their turn to call me back and let me know how they can help my daughters.  It is their JOB, and they are failing miserably at it.  And I’ll be all polite when they call, and I won’t let them know how bad they’ve failed.  But I might, if I think about it… again, I’m just too darn polite.  I don’t have a backbone.  I need to start standing up for myself, or in this case, my kids.  The older I get, the more important this is, I realize.  Of course… I also realize I’ve got to do it in a diplomatic way that doesn’t make people angry, but still gets my point across.  Mmmm.  Sigh.

Hell.  It’s 2:20.  I am not going to go to bed until 3, and I will set my alarm for 7.  Tonight though, I am going to let the baby sleep through the night.  We can have a night off, I think.  I’ll pick back up tomorrow getting her up every few hours to feed.  I went grocery shopping tonight at like 10:30, taking only Sammi (who wanted to go with me), which was both good and bad… man was she UPSET when I got grapes and wouldn’t give her any.  She got over it though.  We got home at midnight.  I don’t know if she’s asleep or awake, because I let her loose on the other girls.  Oh, and I bought her a diet orange soda for the trip home…how’s THAT for spoiling the kid?  She’s generally a good kid though.  She has her toddler moments, and she certainly has her "I’m so frustrated that I can’t get you to understand what I’m saying" moments, but she’s a good kid all the same.  A totally sweet, funny kid.  My kids crack me up, always have.  Though I MISS Shabree’s happy go lucky attitude and good nature.  I miss it a lot. 

I’ve got to wrap it up… I’m real tired, and  I need to do some pumping before I head off to bed.  Can’t type and pump at the same time, I’m not set up for it.  I don’t pump often enough to bother setting up for hands free pumping.