Small fight w/ Jerry

We hardly ever "fight" and this was little more than an arguement over a perceived issue.  It was because I don’t want to give up my 30 dollars for scrapbooking, and he wants me to "make do" with what I have.  Well, that’s ALL I ever do, over the last year and a half, is "make do with what I have."  So it upset me.  He said, in the 9 and a half years we’ve been together, we’ve never argued about money, let’s not start now.  He said just please use what you buy.  Well, that WAS the plan.  Well, mostly the plan.  I’m torn between buying ink, storage for my supplies, and little things here and there, or saving it up to make a major purchase online, so I can get free shipping.  Sigh.  Part of the problem is that we only have about 200 left over this month after paying the utilities, getting car insurance and paying this next year’s registration on the van, plus the brakes need repairing quite badly, and the oil needs changing as well.  Stuff we’ve been forced to put off til it’s a near emergency.  So, I probably SHOULD give up the 30, but it’s ONLY 30.  I told him if I had to go without, then HE needs to go without his coffee, and he got PRETTY upset when I said that, and said we’re NOT going to play that game (and mentioned that this was something that had driven me crazy with Gregg.  And it did.)  He says he mostly makes and drinks his coffee at home.  Which is true, though I was only half aware of it.

Anyway, it’s just the stress kind of breaking me down.  Jerry says he’s NOT going to let us lose the house, he’ll do whatever it takes to keep it.  I just feel… worn out.  I think.  After I went to bed last night at 3:15 a.m. I STILL laid there unable to sleep, just thinking and thinking.  Evidently I wasn’t exhausted enough.  Well, of course that led to a nap today from 1:30 to 3:30.  I think I’m going to take the Tylenol PM route to trying, TRYING to re-right my sleep schedule, before I drive myself nuts with guilt over that too.  I’m just exhausted during the day, after I’ve had a night that was either well broken up trying to feed or pump, though she actually sleeps through the night pretty well.  OR a night that doesn’t end until 3 or 4 in the morning.  What’s especially hard is dealing with knowing that Jerry doesn’t approve.  I mean, when I’m up mulitiple times during the night, then it means I am needing like 10-12 hours of sleep. 

I gotta go feed Alex.