Need some sleep

I’ll try for a quick entry tonight, since I SHOULD be sleeping.  It’s been a day.  Emotionally… I’m in an odd state.  I think I’m going to need to stop going to my Expecting in Sept boards… there’s been a discussion about whether to spank or not, and I feel SO strongly against it, it’s really upsetting me.  I’ve been having flashbacks to the abuse of my childhood, and it’s like I never worked through it at all…  or something.  I feel frustrated, because the "spankers" are SO sure they’re right, and many of the others are "do what’s right for you" and I just feel that as a human race, we’ve GOT to stop perpetuating the idea that hitting is okay… that violence of any sort is all right.  And especially not against our children.  But they seem to feel that as long as you don’t leave a mark, it’s all right, and all I can tell them is "with thousands of other ways of disciplining a child, WHY is spanking a necessity?"  It’s NOT…  it’s just not.  But they aren’t going to listen to me, and I feel helpless.
It’s also been one of those days where I’ve basically been going on faith that I’m doing the right thing having another baby.  I’m SO tired, and I don’t want to be sick anymore, I don’t want to be pregnant anymore, and I feel so irrational that I’m going to lose the baby because I’m too doubtful about it all.
Depression has its hands around my throat.  It’s not QUITE squeezing, but I can’t say that I’m much of a happy camper right now.  I need to stop worrying, but it seems to come with the territory, and it seems to come with the hormones, especially where I am concerned.
And as usual, I can’t really share this with Jerry.  He actually becomes counter productive to me when I am feeling like this, and he feels so helpless… it’s really not worth burdening him with it. 

What I REALLY need to do, is to stop thinking, stop dwelling, go to bed, get some sleep, and see if tomorrow isn’t better.  It most likely will be.