Keeping it short tonight

DH has gone to bed, and hates it when I lay here typing next to him, so this will be a short entry. I spent a good deal of today trying to swap out a swap that’s been hanging over my head for MONTHS now…very uncool.  I’ve been waiting on people/things, but it’s still pretty uncool of me to not TRY and get people swapped out, but who can fill a bunch of boxes when all you can think about is how tired you are, and how you want to throw up?  Yea, not my idea of fun either.  But now there’s no good reason not to swap it out (except I’m STILL waiting on people!)

We went to Hometown for breakfast… YES, I know we were just there Friday night…and have been there a month of Sundays.  I’m actually getting sick of it.  We tried to go to IHOP first, and there was a 20 minute wait, and truth be told, I was starting to feel sick, had to eat a kit kat I found in my coat pocket from I don’t KNOW when to keep myself from getting sick and Shabree and Syd wanted to go to Hometown, and I didn’t know how long the kit kat would keep me "satisfied" i.e. from throwing up, so we went.  And it was BORING… I’m ready to be done with that place.

Jerry and I went dancing last night.  It was fine, except I was supposed to change into ‘sexier" clothes we’d bought the day before, and I was comfortable, and chickened out, so he got pissed about that.  I got some decent exercise, but I’m not totally comfortable going to these dances-they’re for an alternative lifestyle JERRY would like to explore, and I go for him, but even HE says "We’re not into it" so I’m not sure why we’re going?  I think just so he has an excuse to 1) have me dress in sexy clothes, 2) have a place to remove my clothing, which PISSES me off to no end when he does it, and 3) I THINK he secretly hopes something will happen…but nights like last night when I couldn’t just go, and be comfortable in the clothes I was wearing, and just be there to dance and enjoy myself, prove that I need to stop going to these things with him.  I’m NOT interested in that lifestyle, and I don’t even PRETEND to be interested… so I’m not sure what he thinks we’re doing there.  I don’t know… Jerry says he didn’t marry me for this stuff, but it makes a really huge impact on our marriage, and I’m not sure what to do about it.  For my part, it causes rifts.  For him, I don’t know, it’s like "well, it’s no big deal, except that it is." and I’m tired of the mixed signals and the confusion I feel.  I’m super tired of trying to be something I’m not, and feeling like it’s MY fault for not telling him before we got married.  It irritates the hell out of me.

Well, I’d better post.  I need to go to sleep, and this isn’t as short as I thought it’d be.