I’m so sorry

My one fave lost her baby.  She only knew a day, and then it was gone.  I wish I could be there to give her a hug.  Her DH is off training for the Army, so he can’t be there.  When I lost my baby, I was out of town, in a place I didn’t know, visiting my great Aunt.  My mom was almost completely useless in the sitution, not knowing what to do with herself, so most of the time I was in the E.R. I spent by myself, alone.  It was… sad. 

So I feel for her. 

Oh, my brain is scrambled.  I went off to respond to an email from my dad, and completely lost track of my train of thought here.  I started thinking about what we’re going to have to do if we should have to begin paying for our housing again… which I’ve been trying to affim that we are KEEPING this house.  Still. 

Oh, man, I just can’t keep a train of thought going… Hell.

I should go do some laundry, I guess, and check on Alexandria.  We figured out the reason she probably doesn’t respond to her name is that we NEVER call her by name.  She’s baby girl, sweet pea, honey, lovey, your little sister, the baby, etc.  Very rarely do we call her by name.  So by now, she should know her name, but how do you learn something you’re never called?  I’m still kind of worried about her.  She wanted a skittles bag today, and I put it out of her reach, and she could NOT roll over to get it, though it looked like she wanted to… like she was trying.  I’m scared there is something WRONG with her.  She finally did inch herself over to that wrapper, and by this time, I’d put her on her tummy, so she spent quite a few minutes playing with it while on her tummy.  She just doesn’t seem strong anymore, like she was, like her sisters are.  I am wondering if a bit of physical therapy would help?  She cries the entire time she’s on her stomach (today was a rare exception.)  What I’m really scared of is that all that time when she wasn’t getting enough to eat just weakened her, and she is still not okay.  I do try to sit her up, and she’s just wobbly.  I put her on her stomach, and she lifts her head fine, but she cries the entire time.  Today, for once, I got about 20 minutes out of her on her stomach.  I often give up after 10, because I’m so tired of listening to her cry.  I’m thinking that I’m going to have to start forcing her to do it twice a day, crying or not.  It hurts me, but it’s for her own good, darn it!

Becca’s birthday is coming up in March… near the end of March actually.  She is ALREADY starting to bug about it.  I asked if we could just do a small family thing, but of course we can’t.  Sigh.  I don’t want to go to a bunch of work, and a bunch of money to give her a birthday party.  I don’t know how we pulled it off last year… I made Jerry do it, because I was way too tired with being pregnant.  I am guessing we’d better start buying whatever we need now, so we can spread out the costs.  Of course, I don’t intend to put very much money into this.  We’ll figure something out.  We always have.  Most of her friends are boys though, so a sleep-over is probably going to be out of the question.  We did that a couple of years ago, and it was a huge success.  The crafts were especially fun.  We can get a cake, and have food, I think our food stamps won’t get reduced until April, so I’ll have extra.  We have DDR since I got a new disc for Christmas, and Kareoke, and the electric guitar was popular last year as well.  I don’t know… we’ll figure it out though.

I’d better get going.  I am going to help Sydni cook tuna noodle casserole.  She said she would cook tonight, and I suggested that, so she said she would.  We have a TON of tuna.  We have at least 12 cans of it. 

Sammi’s trying to get on my lap, so better go, for sure.