Better

Cripes, I cannot get this thing to stop underlining my words.  Had to go into the Source code and take it out…hopefully it doesn’t make the rest of this entry look like crap.  It shouldn’t affect it at all. 

I just got us a job, yay.  I had to call the gal back though…I feel SO stupid when I go leaving my BUSINESS phone lying around.  Jerry, with his business, does not want his cell number out on the web and the majority of our customers find us on Craigslist.  I’l have Jerry call the other number back…maybe it’s a job, maybe it’s not.  I called them, said I’d missed a call, and they said they hadn’t called anyone, so I don’t know.  

I’ve resigned myself to the iPod… I have. I suppose, some niggling hope that he said it just to throw me off, on the other hand, it REALLY is rather an expensive toy, and we’ve NOT been buying anything of that sort in the last few years, and I would not say our income is up enough to justify it now.  Too many things are in the air still.  We have to go to the DHA tomorrow to talk to them about Welfare to Work…oh joy.  Jerry thinks he could probably go and get a management job, even an area manager, but that would mean 12 hour days away, and I don’t think either of us are sure this family can handle that.  I’m better, the family’s better, but he does tend to be our glue in many respects.  I also question going from being self employed to working for someone else.  And for me…. well, I am thinking about going to school.  Lots of grants and loans to be had, just not sure totally…no, that’s not true.  I want to study a couple of things, Literature for one, and Paralegal for another.  I’d like to be a writer, or an editor, and I’m just fascinated by law these days.  I’m a hell of a researcher (IMO, of course, lol… obviously, NOT imHo…  No ego to be had there…yea, RIGHT)  With Shabree and Syd going back to school, Sammi going to Kindergarten next year, and Alex being 2 now, school ought to be something I can swing.  Hell, not just swing, but LOVE.  Especially if I am pursuing things in the liberal arts.   How funny, how IRONIC that I used to work in computers…and I loved that too!  Good Lord my mind is diverse.  A good, and bad thing truthfully.  I think it’s led to me being quite unfocused.  Of course, my kids…. well, I just wanted to be here for them.   They are not going to need me so much.  Alex is still young enough to need me quite a bit, but even she can be torn from me nowadays to go watch Dora, lol…  Anyway, they’re all getting to where another person could watch them, and they’ll enjoy it.  Even miss Cling herself, aka Alex.  It just gives me something to look forward to…school, and getting a degree in something I could really and truly enjoy doing.  I really don’t know why I didn’t think of it before.  Ever since I was young, all I wanted to be was a writer.  It just NEVER occurred to me that a writer MIGHT need a degree.  Maybe they don’t…but then, it doesn’t hurt, now does it?  

There was a note asking if I’d had my hormones checked, the answer is not in years.  However, my blood sugars have been doing NUTTY things, and I am steadily (thankfully rather slowly) gaining back the weight I lost, so that can’t be helping with the production of sugar in my system, plus not enough exercise, etc.  I’ve definitely been off my game.  I have been questioning that though… I’m definitely showing signs of depression, though not all the time, and I have long since learned how to move through my depression so I can’t identify if I’m REALLY depressed or not.  I don’t give a rat’s ass about my appearance, which shows, and the kids are reflecting that as well in their manner and appearance, except for Becca, who really does take care to shower, apply make up, wear appropriate clothing, etc.  It’s odd almost, but I’m proud of her for it.  She has also taken a vow of celibacy, and I’m REALLY proud of her for that!  I told her awhile back, just wait for it, that is one thing you won’t regret doing…but I also told her many times, IF she should change her mind (and I hope she doesn’t) please communicate that so we can help her deal with it, so she doesn’t get pregnant, or a disease or something equally as bad.  We’ve taken many opportunities to talk to her about it, THEM about it, so hopefully it keeps them safe.

I’ve got to go talk to Jerry about this job he’s got on Monday, and see about getting some advertising going for the weekend…it is the end of the month, which is often a busy time for carpet cleaning as people move out and in… gotta work on getting some business.