9/6/07

I’ve actually been attempting to write an entry for two days now? I keep getting side-tracked. I am near the end of burning my first DVD on the desktop machine… it’s taking FOREVER. It’s already been a couple of hours. Like an idiot, I knew I should have set the computer to "Never Sleep" so that I wouldn’t lose my disk…and I didn’t, but I kept having to rush in here to move the cursor so the machine wouldn’t sleep. Sheesh… we watched the pilot episode of "Heroes" which was probably our favorite show of last season. I’m excited because it’s starting up again here soon. But while at Costco last night, we found the first season set, and it wasn’t too badly priced, we figured it would be 80, and it was 38. So…we tossed it in the cart. Probably shouldn’t have… I hate this feeling of not deserving anything. I mean, yes, we’re broke. YES, we declared bankruptcy on Tuesday. No, we do not have an income. Yes, we should PROBABLY get "real jobs" No, we probably shouldn’t buy DVDs, or anything else for that matter. Well, nothing that isn’t absolutely essential. We do buy food for our family, and we do not ask family members for money for anything (well, we did last December… but we repaid her as quickly as we could) I don’t know… I feel stupid for telling my children they can’t have a t-shirt for Karate two days after I spend 40 dollars on a DVD drive (well, it wasn’t new… it was used. So maybe I can get some points for that? Plus I saved on the shipping by combining it with a trip to see my best friend and do some grocery shopping.) I’m giving serious thought to not buying anything new for awhile..except that I DID buy myself a pair of 17.00 jeans at Walmart tonight… forgot all about the fact that I was going to find my clothes at the thrift store for awhile. Heck! Well, I suppose I could take them back and then go to the thrift store… Although… 17 dollars for a pair of jeans ISN’T that bad. It really isn’t. It’s not like I’m used to buying 200 dollar jeans (trust me… I’ve seen some jeans that have caught my eye, though it’s never like I was skinny enough to fit into them! I need to lose more weight, but I also need to earn more money!) I hate that it used to be that most purchases were no big deal. Okay, we weren’t buying 300/night hotel rooms or anything like THAT, but taking a vacation to Jamaica wasn’t hurting, either… It’s humbling in a way, but more frustrating than anything, to be sort of "back at the bottom" and wondering where the next dollar is going to come from. It’s like, WHY? Linda and I were talking about how we both were feeling kind of abandoned by God… a feeling it seems a lot of people are sharing these days… well, I don’t know that for sure, but it does seem like a lot of people are having a rough go of it right now. Oh I have no idea where I was going with that thought. I think I’ll wrap up. I’m feeling negative, and I don’t need to be that way.