6/16/07

I was waiting for it to be a new day so I wouldn’t do 3 postings in one day. I’m NOT sure why it matters, but it did. Now it’s a whole hour into that day… where did that hour go?
Was that a stupid question?

I went back and read some more of my diary, mostly from when I was pregnant with Shabree… and I feel like I left SO much out. I also think I stressed a lot over not writing more often… LOL!!!!! Oh my goodness, I am SO bad about keeping this thing up… and then I’ll go for a week keeping it up every day. Perhaps I’m an oddball? I dunno. ONE thing I did notice is that the people who have me on their favorites seem better about checking on me than back then… but then, I don’t actually remember if there was any really good way of keeping up with someone back then.  Open Diary has CHANGED.  Hell, I’VE changed.  But I went for months with no notes… and it bothered me.  On the other hand, when that hacker hit, I lost nothing of my diary, and I’m thankful for that, I’d never have recovered those entries.

Hm… I always get like this around my birthday… like I just think about everything that’s gone by.  Good, bad, or indifferent.  It seems like I wrote a lot about how upset I was with Jerry.  I barely remember it!!!!  I do know that I used to feel he "punished" me if HE felt I didn’t properly appreciate the things he gave me or did for me.  He did that to Jane too, honestly.  He would tell me stories about how she didn’t appreciate the flowers he brought her, so he stopped bringing her flowers.  So one night, in a crying fit, I told him how much that hurt me, how it felt like he was punishing me.  I will say THIS about Jerry… the man listens, and takes things that bother me to heart.   One night, maybe the same, maybe another, I told him he should have married someone else.  That I wasn’t the right woman for him, and he managed to convince me that I AM… and ever since, I’ve felt a LOT more secure in our relationship.  I think he still wishes I was more sexual… but I’m really not.  I’m not wholly comfortable with the lengths he wants to go to… I mean, we do the nudist thing once a year (but not THIS year, pout pout… it’s coming up in just a couple of weeks, too), and he would love it if I would flash him in parking lots in public… yikes.  I’m so NOT that kind of girl ;).  I’ve done it a few times, just for him… but that "good Catholic girl" in me rears her UGLY head and screams at me "what the HECK are you doing?????"   He wants to go take public nude pictures, and I’m like, NO WAY.  So we’re totally at odds there.  I’m just so not "adventurous" like that.  It’s kind of hard for me not to see it as indecent.   So in that regard, he married the wrong girl.  BUT… Jerry really doesn’t look at just the parts, he looks at the whole, and he likes the whole of me, not just the parts that can’t go where he wants…. pervert anyway ;).  Oooh, he’d be upset with me if he saw that, I think.  He doesn’t like me calling him a pervert.  But c’mon… public sex?  Perv!!!  I love the man, but I just can’t go there.

‘K… enough on that subject, for sure!  Getting a bit…ADULT in nature there, and I let Becca see the Karate pictures I posted the other day, so she KNOWS I have a diary… I so wouldn’t want her seeing THIS post… OMG.

Well, I should really, really think about getting to bed.  It’s 1:23 a.m. (when I was a kid, I LOVED it when the time was in a row like that… I lived for 11:11, or even better, 12:34, lol)

I’m surprised Jerry hasn’t said anything about getting to bed… I THINK he’s still working, the maniac.  He’ll work tomorrow, too, until we go to Pat’s for the BBQ.  Oh yea, need to add Pat in to my list of "players" in my life.  He’s a real estate agent, and an awesome guy, truly a wonderful human being… he’s got a wife, Wanda, whom I love as well.  But they don’t get much nicer/more generous than Pat.   Yep, I can hear Jerry on the phone with someone.  No sex for him tonight!  it’s too doggone late, and I am too doggone tired!  That has been the story of my life for the last week or so…last night he stayed at the office until well after midnight.  The main thing that bugs me the most about it… and it’s not a bad deal really because I do get time to myself that I don’t get when he’s around, is that I have the kids 24/7, and if he’s working all the time, then I TRULY have them 24/7, and them being at home right now is seriously getting on my nerves!!!  But I already covered that yesterday or the day before… not sure which, not sure it matters!  Yea, I’m tired, starting to get rambling and "punch drunk" to a certain extent… I’m just running off at the mouth (or fingers, lol)

I had to send an email to this guy… his web site is http://www.blueskyheart.com.  I can’t get it to set it as a link, so that’ll just have to do.  Which REMINDS me… I also visited MY old web page… http://www.geocities.com/tiator and the mail link WORKS… I’ve had the mail address forever, though I never check it anymore.  I probably should, but no one’s going to email me from that web site.  The pictures though, are interesting, if dated!!!!  Some CUTE pics of Sydni and Shabree up there though, plus pics of my wedding, and my doggies who are now gone, Brittany and Jesse.

I let Shabree use my camera the other day…the shockproof one, lol… and I got it out of the truck tonight and actually downloaded the pictures, so here is one that she took of me (I look SOOO fat… OMG.  I’ve put on 15 or 20 pounds since having Sammi, and it’s beginning to get to me, but my blasted knee hurts with almost any exercise I do.)
Here is one of Paula:

She’s not a bad photographer for a 4 year old. She does better with MY camera, but after the last one got broke, I’m not taking any chances with this one.

Okay, off to bed for me!  I’m surprised Sammi’s not up wailing at being hungry!  I’d better fix her a bottle before I go  up, and I’d better make sure it’s got food in it (I’m getting low on food)

OH SHOOT… she had spaghetti tonight, and I didn’t get ANY pictures of her RED face, RED arms, RED body from the spaghetti sauce.  I had Jerry take off her onsie, and it was a GOOD thing he did, because that kid was a MESS.  LOL… I gave her a good bath, and surprisingly, she did not scream in it… you never know when she will, but she enjoys it when the water runs… and as I recall, so did Shabree.
<embed width="435" height="270" border="0" style="width: 435px; visibility: visible; height: 270px;" allowscriptaccess="never" src="http://www.playlistproject.net/mc/mp3player-othersite.swf?config=http://www.playlistproject.net/mc/config/config_purple_shuffle.xml&mywidth=435&myheight=270&playlist_url=http://www.playlistproject.net/loadplaylist.php?playlist=9018636&#8243; menu=”false” quality=”high” name=”mp3player” wmode=”transparent” type=”application/x-shockwave-flash” pluginspage=”http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer”&gt;