3/17/08

I’m having a baby shower! Please visit:

http://www.webbabyshower.com/mullen/

Today has been a long day.  It’s been a BETTER day, but still long.  I don’t even know where to begin.  Well, let me start with my latest frustration… my jerk brother.   We’ve been trying to get 100 THOUSAND dollars refunded to us that we put down on a villa in Mexico that we were going to buy, but could not get financing for.  They’ve had the money for over to years.  They have finally agreed to begin to pay us back, however, there are contracts involved, and they’re in Spanish to be legal in Mexico.  My brother is fluent in Spanish, his wife is from Mexico.  So Jerry asked me to ask my brother to translate the documents. 
His answer?  Sure, but I want you to enroll in Melaleuca for me.
Oh yea, and pay fifty dollars a month for product I don’t want?
I only have to work the business for "four hours a day" 
Yea RIGHT!  When do I have FOUR hours to devote to this business?  HM?  When do I not have a baby to take care of, children to help with homework, children to supervise so they’re doing what they’re supposed to be doing?  When am I not chasing kids out of my husband’s office? 
Oh, and I only have to try to do it for six months.
I’m due in THREE.  Then I get round the clock feedings, diaper changes, sleepless nights and two children under two.  WHEN, oh WHEN am I going to find FOUR HOURS to work then?  There’s a reason they give you three months of maternity leave in this country, and it’s NOT ENOUGH…other countries get a whole YEAR. 
Thanks brother.  Thanks a LOT for helping out your sister, and expecting nothing in return.  (I knew better.  I did.  Nothing comes without a price tag where he’s concerned, not even for family)

Mom sent me 400 dollars for Valentine’s Day…she said my brother had called to ask for that much, so to keep things even, she sent us the same amount.  My mom, with her trying to keep things "even"  LOL… she makes me laugh.  When she gave us the gold, Jerry called the place where she bought them, and the guy tells Jerry that mom likes me better (because she gave me more of the pieces) I told Jerry, no way, she gave Chaunce his "share" in some other way.  But it makes Jerry laugh to think somehow my mom loves me more.  I doubt that’s even true, because she took him on a cruise, and we couldn’t go because we pretty much had tapped out our vacation fund(s) for that year, but she paid for him.  Not that it matters, I’m not keeping track of whether or not my mother treats my brother and I equally.  I’d rather stand on my own two feet anyway, than expect anything from her.   This last year has been so frustrating in that regard, because it’s been REALLY difficult to do that.  I’m glad dad was willing to help us out a bit with some money.  I really did buy groceries with it, and once I felt we were okay, I told him to go ahead and stop sending money.   I would ask if I needed any in the future.  I’ll probably start job hunting once the baby is born and I have it on some sort of schedule as far as feeding goes.  I may have to give up my thoughts on breast feeding, because it’s going to be a difficult thing to do if I have to go back to work.  It’ll be more of an investment that I will be able to make, and I’ve never had good luck with pumping.  My body doesn’t seem to recognize it.  Heck I have a hard enough time with milk supply as it is, or at least I did with Sammi… it’s going to take a concentrated effort on my part to do any sort of full time breast feeding, and if it’s anything like it was, or should have been with Sammi, I’m going to have this child on my breast constantly.  I thought Sammi was just hanging on for comfort, since she’d easily latch on for 20 minutes at at time to EACH breast, and then seem to want more an hour later.  Forty minutes every hour or two is going to be a LOT of time.  We’ll see though, every baby IS different.   I wasn’t even able to breastfeed Shabree at all… and so far with this one, I haven’t leaked at all, well, maybe ONCE. It could have been sweat though.  I just have to wonder about the milk supply.
I didn’t get a nap in today.  So I am yawning my head off.  I’ll probably head off to bed here soon. 
I am in something of a debate with this woman… it’s pretty classic.  If I don’t ask Jesus Christ to be my Lord and Savior, ACCEPT him into my heart, ASK him to forgive all my SINS, when He comes back, He’ll take all my children to Heaven and I’ll be left on Earth.  2000+ years of human evolution, and THIS is what people THINK? 
Oh
My
God.
We’re in trouble.
And I want to know… WHAT SINS?  I barely drink, I don’t do drugs, I never gamble, I’m faithful to my husband, I do my best to take care of my kids, I do my best to pay my bills (under the circumstances), I try to help my fellow man when I can (when it doesn’t interfere with my family responsibilities).  I’m good to my parents, I believe in God, I pray, I really, and actually DO pray, though for me, it’s much more of a conversation with God than a one way street of me asking for things (which I do as well, but I realize hardly ever works, lol.) 
I mean really, because I’m not a BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN, I’m going to go to some fiery place?  And I ask, what about the Buddhists?  The Jews?  Are THEY going to hell?  What if I’m Catholic?  Which in some small way, I AM… am I going to hell?  Because I don’t think I’m a fundamentally BAD PERSON, I’m going to go to HELL? 
YEA RIGHT!
No wonder I think the Bible stinks to high heaven.  If that’s the kind of garbage they’re using to brainwash these poor spiritual children… it makes me so mad I could SCREAM.  I mean, if God LOVES us, then he does NOT send us to HELL for NOT BELIEVING IN HIM. 
Think about YOUR children.  If they thought you didn’t exist, would you want to punish them for it?  Or would you simply try to open their eyes to the fact that you DO exist, and you love them very much?  I mean, is God an ANGRY God, or a LOVING God?  Did Christ die for our sins or NOT?  If he did indeed die for our sins, then are we, or are we NOT absolved of them already?  Not that I’m saying we should go out and commit behavior that would hurt ourselves or others because all is forgiven because Christ died for our sins! 

Anyway, I gathered myself up, let my anger go, and started telling her about my revelations of God’s love and some of the conversations I’ve had with God, and some of the things the "voice" has told me, that lead me to believe that I’m ON the right path, and that the voice is reasonable, intelligent, and looking out for MY good.  Whether the voice is God or not, I don’t know… God feels different than the voice, so I’m inclined to believe it’s not God. 
Well, that was a rant.   It’s funny, I DO identify with much of what Christians teach.  But I am NOT surethat Christ ever really actually lived.  I did find out today that the zeitgeist movie, the updated one, is probably NOT the same video I watched at all.  So I sent her the link to the video I did watch.  Crazy stuff, that.

Okay, my back hurts, I really need to try and go to bed, especially before my emotions catch up to me and leave me hanging out to dry.  Seriously… most of my worst "depressions" happen at night, when I’m too tired.  I’m like a little kid in that regard.  Especially when pregnant.  Why tempt fate?  I can at least go lay down, play bookworm and not think about anything til I go to sleep.  I won’t start a book, because I won’t go to sleep til 6 or 7 if I do that.  I just need to quit thinking and get to relaxing.