3/14/08

I’m having a baby shower! Please visit:

http://www.webbabyshower.com/mullen/

Here is something I wrote in response to a blog I read about post modernism:

I think that perhaps Christianity overlooks the fact that there are MANY other very valid religions, such as Buddhism (and my mind is for some reason blanking on others…Judaism, there’s one), who do NOT believe in the Bible, Christ, but still believe in God, a Diety, and still live VERY "moral" lives, some quite rigid. I agree that it’s very easy to say, oh it’s okay, God will love and accept you for who you are (true) without really EXAMINING what God truly wants for the Children of this planet. It occurred to me last night, that we keep pulling God down to our level, therefore "Humanizing" God, rather than trying to pull ourselves UP to God, therefore making ourselves more like God. Should we REALLY be trying to make God into a human being? We use words like He and Father, all the time without really UNDERSTANDING if God even has gender… God is probably a Parent, a Teacher, but is God Human? I think not. I’ve begun to try and eliminate putting a gender to God. Another thing that occurred to me last night… God as a Parent. If we put ourselves in God’s place, think like a Parent for a minute… what *I* realized is that God probably WANTS us to quit depending on "Him" for everything, at least at some point we MUST grow up spiritually and take responsibility for our abilities to create and stop asking God to lead us everywhere and take care of our every need. I don’t know if that makes sense, but I think it’s what any/every Parent wants for their Child. To become a Separate but perhaps integrated being, fully capable of living in the (spiritual) world as a loving citizen who takes care of themselves and each other. I’m still working on these "theories" They come to me at night, when I’m attempting to sleep, or when I’m in the shower and just kind of letting my mind ramble. I do not think we come close to knowing God’s Truth, but I do wonder if we shut out the voice of God, even when God is telling us (maybe even MORE so when God is telling us) that we CAN be as powerful as God, and that it’s quite all right to be that way, as it is our ordained right being children of God. God has done little to separate God from Humans, except to give us free will. It is definitely Humans who have separated themselves from God, because of fear, anger, or whatever other "childish" emotions Humans have for not wanting to be one with God…perhaps it’s a part of the growth process, just like our children when they are growing up separate themselves from us so they can become independent thinkers. Of course, I’m personally still trying to figure out many things, and I may be very wrong in ALL of my thinking. I will admit to be just as flawed as the next Human. However, I don’t think I’m entirely too off the mark, either. I just cannot accept the fact that Christianity is the ONLY path to God, especially when so MANY paths exist. I think much of Christianity’s flaws are an arrogance in thinking that this is the ONLY path. Arrogance is such a blinding emotion. The thing is, WHY are Humans here? So they can be ruled by God? Do you really think God, based on what we DO know, really wants to be a ruler? If that was so, we would not have free will, we would not have free thought. God would not sit back and let the world learn at its own pace. So WHY are we here? Pleasure, Pain, and everything in between, why do they exist? Why do Humans have such desires? Is it wrong to desire? Post modernism is in its own way, trying to find the answers… at least they’re questioning. To blindly accept what is written in the Bible, which really is an interpretation of the Word of God (and as I asked another woman yesterday, are we deaf, blind and dumb to God’s Word within ourselves?) If we can so blindly accept what others say is the Truth of God, then why can we not accept our own Truth of God? Are Humans nowadays SO flawed that they can’t get a handle on God without some Human interpreted BOOK to tell them how to think? Is God really that rigid? Just some food for thought. I believe in God. I don’t believe in the Bible, and am not entirely sure Jesus Christ ever really existed. There is NO proof that Christ ever existed, other than what’s written in the Bible, and there are MANY other "Christ" like mythologies that came before. If you are EVER in the mood to question this, whatsoever, then check out http://www.zeitgeist.com. This doesn’t mean that Christ ideals are in any way unworthy… it just means that some beliefs come out of un-questioned, unwavering faith… which can be both a good and a bad thing.

I feel like I’m at a cross-roads, and I can feel the "breakthrough" coming.  It’s so close, I can almost taste it, but I also feel like there is just SOMETHING I am missing, preventing said breakthrough.  And perhaps it’s just… one more thing I’ll absorb without really cognitively understanding the lesson.  Now, that bugs me.  I can’t help but feel I’m on a path to really learning how to create, and I want the lesson to be one I can really get a handle on how to do again and again.  Without thinking, just "doing."  Maybe I DON’T need it to be so cognitive then, maybe it’s like driving, you learn to do it, then you just do it.  Sure, some days you mess it up because of whatever, but for the most part, you just do it and you do it well.  I do not know, because this has been one lesson I’ve been struggling with great difficulty.  And I’ve often wondered if it’s a test.  But I don’t think so.  I think the realization I’ve come to is that it is indeed a lesson.  I suspect the lesson will conclude soon. 

I had an odd dream last night.  I was in school.  Now usually, my school dreams have me missing my math class, flunking the darn thing, and in some cases, I’ve been SO neglectful of my math class, that I don’t even know where the classroom is, and even if I did go to class, I couldn’t catch up…math is pretty much my worst subject.  But this dream was different.  First, it was the first day of school.  Second, my classes were "easy" ones that I looked forward to going to.  The only class I remember, in my dream it was my 3rd class of the day, after which I’d have lunch, then one more class, then be out for the day.  It was a cooking class.  And Kim was there in the class, learning too.  I was late, but no one seemed to mind, the class was REALLY full though.  They were having a discussion on Thanksgiving meals, and how you didn’t want to overwhelm the smell of the turkey with the smell of cranberries.  (LOL)  At the end of the class, the teacher wanted to know if anyone would transfer out to one of the other less full classes, and 11 people did that, but I liked my schedule and didn’t want to mess it up, so I decided to stay in this class.  I remember it was in classroom number 5, but it was a little difficult to find, because the classrooms were in some cases not in order.  It wasn’t actually THAT difficult to find, however, I was still late, and I think that was because I did something first, but I’m not remembering what off hand.  I just know I was relieved to have "easy" classes that interested me, instead of math, which I hate and have no interest in whatsoever.

Well, I am going to go put the baby down for a nap, and get going to pick up the mail (which is at the postal annex because we let our box get full), go to Walmart for soda and milk, and MAYBE to Costco for cupcakes for Becca’s party tomorrow, but maybe I’ll wait and we’ll go as a family tonight.  I know if we do that, we’ll eat at Costco, which then we won’t have to clean up a big mess tonight.  Though I actually WOULD rather go to Hometown Buffet for dinner, so I can get clam chowder… actually, I could go for lunch, if I didn’t have to put Sammi down.  That would be cheaper anyway.

Okay, going already.  I never know how to stop, lol.