2/14/08

Well, darn… I’ve only got a few minutes to write now.  DH has just come in, told me he’s going to take a shower, then wants me to go give  him his Valentine’s Day present.  Not to be gross, but I told him so long as it doesn’t involve sucking or blowing, we’re good.  He’s like "It’s only been 9 months"  Damn, he’s counting? 
Freaking hormones.  I don’t even feel CLOSE to being a good wife.  I don’t want to do ANYTHING "wifely"  He’s feeling it too, thinks I don’t love him.  I do, I’m just uber-selfish.  I admit it.  Besides, I’m feeling like I’ve got about 20 added pounds (I haven’t gained a pound since I got pregnant, but I’ve got quite a bowling ball stomach going already… makes me feel REAL sexy!  NOT!  Not to mention everything that could hurt, does hurt!  And hurts more during and after sex.)
Okay, so that was a tangent…probably one you could have done without ;).  But then, I figure, the diary really IS written for me.  I realize other people read it, so I do try not to put my MOST intimate thoughts in here (I guess nowadays when you look for a job, they look you up… at least I know most of my entries aren’t too bad, lol…  Assuming they could actually find me, which I doubt!)
Anyway, my ORIGINAL intention had been to write about some articles I found on the net about reducing, and living on less…which IMO, is a GREAT goal.  I don’t know if I mentioned it or not, but we’ve started some vegetables growing in small pots, and I’m looking into container and raised bed, and square foot gardening (www.sqarefootgardening.com I THINK is the url… if I’m wrong, do a search on square foot gardens, you’ll find it… it was a book written by a guy named Mel).  I have also been looking into the possibility of raising chickens for eggs, and POSSIBLY for food, though I’m not sure Jerry or I could kill a chicken, though it’d be more likely me who’d do it… I tend to be more heartless than him, oddly enough… not to insult myself or anything, I just learned at an early age how to turn off my emotions so I wouldn’t get hurt so much… a sad, but necessary skill.  It’s amazing to me that I even function as a normal human sometimes.  I also realized, at a fairly young age, that this WASN’T a skill one should have so readily.  But that’s another story for another day.  I’ve been looking into all kinds of "self sustaining" web sites, forums, etc.  I’ve learned a lot…especially about compost.  I don’t know why, but compost fascinates the HELL out of me.  I LOVE the very idea of turning garbage, waste, junk, into something that feeds the earth and makes life sustainable.  It’s sort of like creating something out of nothing, which I also love (crocheting… the act of taking a piece of yarn, and turning it into something, usually a blanket for me…it just amazes me!  I love concepts like that)   Part of me wants to live more simply, though truthfully, I’m lazy about it, lol!  I don’t want it to be hard.  I am a lazy person though, always have been.  I want things to be easy.  I’m NOT teaching my kids good things with that one. 

Anyway, I’m going to post this.  I realize it’s an incomplete thought, and I’ve rambled a lot as usual (though at LEAST I’m not ranting as I have been tending to do lately, esp about the kids…)  I’ve really got to get upstairs, and I realize my thoughts are no longer cohesive anyway :)… so I’ll see if I can get them back together, and post more later (probably tomorrow during the day)