When can I break?
I’m not coping at all well lately. It’s too hard.
- I don’t like Christmas
- I’m sad because I don’t think the two most important people in my life are going to meet next year like planned.
- My best friend is slipping deeper into her depression because she can’t cope with being away from her fiance. I’m meant to be strong, supportive. If I say that I’m not coping well either, she’ll just call me a copycat, say all that crap that hurts me, that I should never have read, that I know she still thinks when she’s not feeling well. She tends to lash out at me when she’s like this, so I back away instinctively. Can’t help it. It’s the way I am.
- I’m going to have spent more than $1000 on christmas this year.
- Jenn is leaving. She says soon. I don’t know how soon that is. I know she says that she wants to meet Jake before she goes, but I am doubtful that will happen. I’m doubtful that she’ll be around for Rob Thomas on Valentines Day the way its going. And then I will be without ANYONE I love (besides family) on that day, again.
- I’m not coping being without him. I need him next to me. I need to be able to hold him whenever I want, kiss him whenever I please, just be with him and be HAPPY. But I don’t have that. All I have is the knowledge that if I am patient I will get to be with him forever. Just have to wait a few months, then we can get married, and then he’s stuck with me.
- I’ve decided to give up on my "owned by love" diary, and just write the crap in here instead. Don’t know how long that will last, or if I’ll actually get rid of that diary or not. But eh. I don’t care right now.
- Should get rid of my "brainmate" diary too. Then when I get OD plus, I can merge my cheesy diary with my sez diary, have one giant diary, and that will be that. Or keep just Sez and Cheese. I don’t know. No more brainmate, twas a dumb idea.
- In fact… I just deleted brainmate. And privatised the majority of owned.by.love’s entrees.
- Now I guess its time to go write a ‘real’ entree and show how happy I’m always feeling.