Ignore.

Scheduling is too hard. I really want to get in shape (not even… I want to be a little fitter, no way I’ll ever be ‘in shape’) and so I try to work out but it’s nearly impossible to get some time to do that as well as get everything else done. Not that everything else ever gets done, I don’t think this place has been properly clean for more than a day in at least a year. Pregnancy was exhausting, and now I just have no time to do anything. Ashley always needs someone around, and when she doesn’t actually need me because she gets bored, she needs me because she’s going to try and climb something or try and crawl on the wood floor and I have to be nearby so she doesn’t smack her head. Or at least, doesn’t smack it too hard, I can’t catch her every single time. Jake’s lovely, but due to memory issues he’s a bit like a child in some ways, I have to constantly remind him if I need him to do something. He gets frustrated if I ask him to do lots of things in the evening when he’s done with work, but he also gets frustrated if I ask him to watch the baby while I do lots of things. One or two is fine but much more is just…. ugh. I wish he could drive, then I’d get him to take Ashley to the playground or something for a while, play on the swings, go for a walk there, give me a few hours so I can get SOME cleaning done. Yesterday I had half an hour while they went for a walk, but that included shower time and I’m not one of those crazy people that can somehow sweep/vacuum an entire apartment in 5 minutes. (I really don’t believe people when they say that. Takes at least half an hour)

I’ve worked out how to get the dishes done each morning (TRYING to get Jake to help me keep the dishes always washed, we have fruit flies, we need to constantly make sure there is nothing for these stupid bugs to feast on!), putting Ashley in her tub with her toys. No water, I sit her on towels inside it, but at least she is entertained, can’t escape, can’t fall and hurt her head in the wood floors.

Do you know how much I hate wood floors? Always have. Well, no, but I never wanted them. Stupid wood floors. Especially these ones, with gaps in between the planks that have all kinds of crap in them and I have no way of getting the crap out.

Ashley isn’t on a nap schedule, so it’s hard to know how long she will sleep each time she goes to sleep. She doesn’t do long naps unless I’m right there, she tends to wake up without her pacifier and starts crying. If I’m there I can get it back in her mouth before she wakes up too much. But even if she was on a schedule and I knew I had, say, 40 minutes, I wouldn’t be able to do much in that time. We live in a tiny apartment. Sound travels well. The only room that has a door is the bathroom, so I can’t close the bedroom door and feel free to make a little bit of noise. Our tv is located right next to the bedroom, the floors are squeaky so I can’t do a workout video on mute.

I’m just really frustrated. I want an entire day where I can just clean non-stop. And then keeping this place clean shouldn’t be too hard, I could probably get that done in bits here and there. (I really want to sort through all our crap too, get rid of all the junk. Everything is disorganised and that realy messes with my head.) It’s the working out that makes any plan feel like a failure though. I’m already a little stronger, I can fly Ashley around for longer than I could a week or so ago. But that will fade when I don’t maintain. 

Blah blah, pointless entry. Ashley will probably wake up soon. I have so many pictures and videos and things to upload. She’s so cute.

Sorry for making you read all that. If you did indeed read. I don’t even know if it makes sense.