I’m not dead

I know I haven’t been answering questions like I said I would, but to tell you the truth, I just haven’t felt like it. I have had this dairy up for 4 years now. That’s a long time to be answering questions. Beside I don’t think there are to many questions let for me to answer, though then again I guess there could be, but I don’t know if I am in the mood to answer them anymore. I am sorry about this. If at times someone has asked me a question that has not be answered yet and I see if before it has been to long I will answer it.

Though not to many people have been asking questions, though that could be because I have not been answering them as well, I don’t know. I just know that I have been doing this dairy for 4 years now and I am kind of tired of it right now, so I haven’t been on here in a while answering questions for you guys. I don’t want to lose this dairy, so I do need to make sure I come here and update so I don’t get deleted.

I can’t believe how long I have been on OD. I have been on here for at least 6 years. Though you can’t tell by this dairy or my Poetic`Soul on, but I have been on OD for a while. I had a diary that I had for a long time, though it got messed up so I have to delete it. So that’s when I though to make a new one, and when I did I made this one as well. In time I may start this one back up, I don’t know, but intill then I will keep this up so you can look through it and get an answer.

Before you asked your question, make sure I haven’t answered it already…
Sex*Goddess’s Guide

I have not been in the greatest of moods for a little while. Pretty much feeling like no one gives a crap and that I am alone. Not to sure why I am feeling like this, but I am. Kind of don’t help when the one you love doesn’t really find time to get online and talk to you. I can understand that he works on computers all day at work and don’t want to get on them at home. Though if that is the only way to talk to the one you say you love then you would get on, right?

He came on one day, and I said something to him, he told me brb, so that wasn’t anything, he just had to go do something, well he never came back on, he went offline after a few mins. Now I don’t know what he had to do or why he went offline, cos he never came back on for me to ask him. It kind of seem like he didn’t want to talk to me. I don’t know. The last time I saw him online was lastnight…Here is the convo of then.

[09:59] Me: Shouldn’t you be in bed
[09:59] Him: nope
[10:00] Me: why not?
[10:03] Me: ill brb fucking people
[10:10] Me: i’m going to get offline
[10:10] Him: ok have fun 🙂
[10:11] Me: yea i don’t think i am going to
[10:11] Me: cya around
[10:11] Him: what?
[10:11] Me: nothing
[10:11] Him: what is with you lately?
[10:12] Me: what do you mean lately?
[10:12] Me: brb again
[10:15] Me: ok now what are you talking about with me lately?

Long convo right? Well I though it would be longer then what it was, but no. I wasn’t in that great of a mood and still not really, though not talking to my baby and then this happening last night how can I be? Anyway… what I don’t get is why can’t he answer me. I didn’t know what he was talking about, how can he know what is going on with me or think I have been acting different or something like that when he hasn’t talked to me in a while? So I asked him what he meants by what’s wrong with me lately, because I didn’t know what he meant, though he didn’t answer me on that. As you can see I asked him more then once and he never answered me. It doesn’t show the time I went offline, but I was on for like 20 or 30 mins waiting to see if he would answer me, but he never did so I went offline.

I didn’t see a point in staying online when he wasn’t going to talk to me, but yet he wants to know what is with me lately. Hell when he was on lastnight, he was talking to two other people, though he couldn’t talk to me. How lovely! There are times he is online but is playing a game. Now he says how he doesn’t like getting on the computer when he is home because he is on one all day, but yet he can get on the computer to play games and to talk to other people, but not to me. Now how should I feel if it isn’t feeling like shit, that he doesn’t want to talk to me, that he would want to talk to them or play games more then talk to me? Should I feel like this isn’t how it is or seems, or should I feel that it doesn’t matter, that it’s not what I think it is?

All I know is I hurt because it seems that he wants to do other things then talk to me. I love him so very much, and it hurts when he does this. We want to live together, we plan on saving money and letting us work out and all, though I can’t help but wonder if it is true he wants this… I hate feeling like I do.