12/29/2011

After a 7 hour round trip today, I have some clarification as to where we stand.  I feel a bit more at ease, though still stressed.  I also feel like I owe Aryn an apology for some of the things I put her through during our relationship.  There were a lot of times when I wasn’t there when she needed me to be, or put other things before her.  After finally being on the other side of that, I get why she was so upset – it’s pretty fucking unpleasant.

Long story made shorter – C and I, we’re ok.  We’re taking a few steps back and re-evaluating things, slowing them down and working on making sure that we are both on the same page.  It isn’t what I want to be doing right now.  What I want to be doing right now is sitting next to her watching the season finale of American Horror Story and drinking a beer.  But I need to realize that there are things I can’t control.  I need to let myself be ok with those things and just hope that they work out the way that I want them to.  I also have to be ok with the possibility that things might not go my way here. 

It’s out of my hands.  I just need to focus on that and let everything work out on its own.