07/14/2011

Sent the finalized divorce papers back today.  Hopefully this will just be done soon.  I didn’t want this, but I also don’t want it just hanging in limbo forever.

After a week of actually thinking about what I eat and working out in some way, every day – either riding my bike or racquetball, I’ve lost 5 lbs.  It’s a start.  I will feel like I’ve accomplished something when I drop back below 200, which is 8 pounds away.  A large part of it is realizing that all of the snacking I do throughout the day is basically because I’m bored, not because I’m actually hungry…. That, and I was drinking constantly.  I was supposed to go out tonight with my roommate and his girlfriend, but we didn’t because he was tired.  So I grabbed a beer and set it next to me.  It sat there for an hour, and about 5 minutes ago I went and put it back in the fridge.  It was odd… normally just having the beer in the house is reason enough for me to crack a few open.

I’ve been looking at houses recently – none that are really great, but it’s what I can afford right now.  I’m ok with getting a house that needs a little work so long as it’s the right price.  Basically, finding out that I was recalled to my teaching position, along with my annoying neighbors in the complex made the decision for me – I might as well spend the same amount on a mortgage that I do on rent.

I told Aryn (the ex) this, and she got upset that I didn’t tell her immediately that I had been recalled.  It bugged me that she made me feel guilty for not telling her this.  She doesn’t get that this is different for both of us.  She can go to viewing me as a friend so easily because she stopped being in love with me a while ago, and it’s being kind of forced on me.  I can’t go back to being just her best friend.  There was too much that happened, and we were too long in everything else.  I can just hope she knows that I will always be there if she needs me, but that we aren’t going to just sit and chat on a regular basis.  I can’t do it.

Oh well.  It would be interesting to know if she reads this.  She’s on my friends list, and she knows where it is…… *shrug*…

Eh…. to bed then.

Night.