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12:22 AM

I’m living. Not looking back too much. Not looking forward too much. Content to stay within the boundaries of right now. What is right now? I’d say it’s a two week span that started last Friday and will end when two Mondays from now when I go back to work. Work is closed for two weeks in the summer. Suits me.

Not too long ago, I said how I wasn’t feeling like myself. People seemed to pick up on that. *smirks* And I assume nobody actually reads this shit. Anyway, Kitten pointed something out to me. She said that I controlled conversation. It’s funny, nobody’s ever pointed that out to me before. I realized that’s one of the things missing from me: I don’t seek out and talk to people online anymore. I have made an effort to talk to Princess more, even if I don’t have anything to say. That was my problem before: needing something exciting to say or talk about. Overthinking: I don’t need anything interesting to talk about. All she wants is to know I’m still paying attention to her. Which is something I can’t say about her best friend. She needs a Timmy.

I also noticed something else. Strange as it may seem, I’ve cut back on how much I talk about sex. Like, randomly saying “Boobies.” Maybe part of it was because when Hairbrush and I were really into each other, I refused to talk about sex with anybody else. It’s just how I am. Uh. Now I’m back to spreading the joy of masturbation to everybody? Well, whenever I feel like it. It doesn’t matter.

Really, it doesn’t matter what I’m like. I’m content to let the definition of a Timmy morph over time. Right now, I’m a virgin. Someday, I will .. not be. Change. Change.

I’ve been contemplating morals lately. I’ve concluded that it doesn’t really matter what I “think” I want to do, I’ll end up doing what I want to do anyway, regardless of what I “decide”. Maybe. Maybe. I just try to learn from experience, whatever meager experiences they are. There’s really not much to change. I’m sexually selective, and it’ll probably stay that way for a while. Sure, I’ve gotten myself into some things fast. But, live and learn. Given my still lingering social inadequacies, there’s no way I’ll become a man-whore anytime soon. If I do, I’ll be majorly surprised. “Wanna teach me how to give face?” *smiles* Sloooww dooowwwnnn, Timmy.

IN TIME, TIMMY, IN TIME. I know, Hairbrush.

OD is down again. I’m reminded of why I haven’t bothered renewing. I will, eventually. But, seeing as there’s no hurry, why should I?

Sweaty Stallion suggested that I stop masturbating so I can go in search of that elusive “wet dream”. I’ve never experienced one, and from what I’ve been told, they’re overrated. Fact is, I don’t dream about sex. What would I dream about, masturbating? I don’t even dream about that. I only dream about things I’ve experienced. Girls I’ve kissed. *nods* Or something inspired from that. *smiles*

I think it’s time I created another volume of Cool Music. I’m up to Volume XXIII. I haven’t decided on a title. I usually have witty titles. Oh. I’ve got one. “Fred Durst Sucks Ass” Ooh. That might be a keeper. Maybe…

It’s funny, I haven’t really been doing anything special lately. What do ‘normal’ people do? I consider myself fairly normal. I pee and #2 regularly. I masturbate regularly. I was born, I will die. I had my first bicycle experience. All those first days of school. High School. I wear clothes. I have a penis. A slightly mutilated penis, but a penis, nonetheless. So yes, I’m normal. Normal people eat. I frequent Chi-Chi’s. I make taco salads at home. I let my mom make food and I eat it. Normal people enjoy mindless entertainment. I rent movies. I go out and watch movies. Normal people drive randomly. Nowadays, I pick up Kivudet without a clue of what we’re going to do. I’m quite comfortable doing that.

We saw Bruce Almighty last night. Good movie. Jim Carrey. In a Jim Carrey movie. As Jim Carrey. Starring Jim Carrey. As Jim Carrey. *nods* Oh, we rented some interesting movies last night. Troll 2 is a movie you should AVOID AT ALL COSTS. Except to see how bad it is. It has nothing to do with Trolls or the original. At all. Student Body is a movie like Not Another Teen Movie and Scary Movie. Except, it was made in 1981. Very cheesy and “campy”. We enjoyed it very much. Mucho running gags. The “Breather” was funny. And then there was the Erotic Witch Project. Straight-out porn. Something you’d never find in Blockbuster. *laughs* Kivudet was more critical of the girls than me, but hey, maybe my standards ARE a little low. I enjoyed watching it. Boobies. Vagina. What’s better than one girl touching herself? Three girls touching each other. Never really gets old, to me.

This morning, I daydreamed while pacing. I imagined what it would be like if I reincarinated as a hot Indian girl. Of course, growing up feeling like I had lived before. Going in search of The Timmy. I decided it only made sense if I/she was Timmy’s wet dream. Enjoyed dominating guys. Outgoing. Slightly bitchy. The kind of girl that goes, “I’M MENSTRUATING, DAMN IT. THERE IS BLOOD COMING OUT OF MY VAGINA.” *smiles* Abrasive, but when she finds someone she really likes, she softens. So to speak. It made sense in my head. I won’t even go over everything I thought. I imagined her going in search of Timmy’s former friends. Then to Open Diary.. “Hi, I’m the reincarnation of Timmy.” *laughs*

I’d like to reaffirm with everybody that I’m an ass, and I really don’t give a shit how I come off to people. Ah, the days of being afraid of people not liking me are over, in a way. I love fucking with people. Walking into the theatre today, some guy working there complimented my hat. He asked if I wear it for special occasions. I love that kind of attention. It’ll pay off eventually.

And yet, I can be a total softy to anybody who gets past all my bullshit. *smiles*

“Hmm.. fairly intelligent… Ah! He’s full of shit!” – George Carlin

Though, I tend to think I’m nutz.