The catch “and release”

In which our Hero marks the passing of an age

When they were much younger, their parents asked me to be their designated guardian, if ever tragedy should strike. It was a responsibility I accepted with fervent hope of never needing to deliver, but at the same time, the Babies, my little cousins, were so very close to me, and in its way, this was just proof of how much we belonged to each other. The Mouse hit majority 4 years ago, and really, my charge ended then. If the situation came up, I would take the title and the work but I figured that if she was able, she’d be the one to make the decisions for herself and her baby sister.

Today, the Baby is 18 years old, a beautiful adult, loose in the world. I’m delighted and excited and very much want to wish my girl a happy birthday if she’d just step outside of her exam studying to let me do it. I’m also aware of the obligation I doubt they know about, slipping off my shoulders and I’m relieved and sad to be done with this charge. For a little while, they were a little bit mine. Before, they were children and mine. Now… now they are their own (but still mine by their choice. Well so far, I haven’t heard back from Moonbeam since this whole 18 thing broke).

Willow’s mother downgraded me too. Now that Willow and bro are majors, I’m no longer executor in the event of tragedy. Well, no longer sole executor. Now the kids have responsibility, and my aunt asked if she could put me down as co-executor with them. Of course I’d do that for her, for them, if she wanted it, but I have to tell you, I’m not sure it’s so good an idea here. I think my responsibility now would be to support the two of them and mediate when their opinions diverge, but honestly, my understanding the the executor role makes dissent closer to a veto than a vote. I tried to express that thought in my reply email but I couldn’t figure out how to express my desire for a clear secondary role in a way that didn’t make it sound like I expected a mess from her kids.

That’s me anticipating contingencies. I can’t help but think about the possiblities. It’s something I’ve seen described as typical of us technical types, and it seems to come with the stigma that we’re pessimists or killjoys for focusing on the negatives. I think of myself as a pragmatic optimist, though. I don’t look at risks to focus on the negative, I look at the downsides so that I can enjoy the upsides even if downsides occur. (Professionally, I’m trying to find lay of the land to put put barricades around the cliffs so that later I can play without having to worry about them.)

One of the things that I’ve done from high school was to have a current resume. Every year to two years, I’d create a new one, and update it. I have a whole string of attempts to create the perfect resume (and the growing and painful awareness that it’s a beast that doesn’t exist). But somewhere along the way, I got lazy and stopped updating it. Somewhere being roughly when I became a contractor.

I’m trying to figure out what it was about going independent that made me neglect so many of my usual habits. There are things that I take of with religious care, and there are things that I really let slide. It isn’t going to happen again because I’m embarrassed to be caught flat-footed.

On the other hand, this is taking me back into work stuff and I was determined to try to offer a break from that. (laugh) So let me circle back to the thought at the start. Nobody wants the bad stuff to happen. For an added bonus, being the executor of a will is a *very* crappy task to have to deal with, because it’s hard work that you’re mostly just dropped into. But someone has to do it. It means a great deal to me that the person they chose to trust is me.