Second Day

In which our Hero has the best Mulligan he’s ever had, not least because it was golf-free

I was having a conversation with a friend about his kid’s birthday party which got me thinking back to my last birthday which hadn’t turned out quite how I’d hoped. No, that’s not fair. It was full of affection and care and I am moved and honoured by that.

It also consisted of family trampling my unspoken plans in an undemurrable way. And it’s with guilt I admit to my frustration because I do feel their care, but I’ve been feeling so hounded in general and here they were at my doorstep. The worst part was that I was at home, already in bed, feeling just a little ill from how tired I was and really looking forward to a “date night” movie with my Nocturne (that wasn’t Date Night which I have not seen).

So it was a big surprise and I love them for it and as much as I want to scold and complain I just can be enough of a grings to really take them to task over this one. But at the same time, a phone call could have moved their visit to the next day, when I’d have been feeling well enough to have a piece of my surprise birthday cake. And I missed the night with Nocturne that had been my main prize for the occasion.

She was about as frustrated as me, but she’s also smarter. So the next day she asked if we could just pretend that it was my birthday. And you know what? This is the most genius idea ever, even if I’ve been hearing about it for years in a different context.

I’m private about my birthday. I don’t tell people unless asked and even then I often social-engineer my way past actually telling people when it is because honestly, most people don’t actually care. It’s a point of pride that I made it to my last year of high school before my friends who’d known me since primary school to realize that they didn’t know when my birthday was, because… it’s my day. Equally, just to avoid someone taking note or drawing attention to it, I usually won’t even talk about it inside a few months of it either way.

Strange? Maybe to you. But me, I’m an introvert, and all I need to celebrate my birthday is some quiet time to myself to just take in how great life is.

It’s not that I object to people wanting to participate. I know some people find it a big occasion and want to celebrate it as much for other people to help create that feeling for others. And I’m blessed in the friends and family who want to mark the occasion solely because they love me, and the wishes and phone calls and emails are warmly welcomed. (Equally, I take an absurd amount of glee in the people who I know love me and forget, because it’s funny in a way I can’t explain but makes me want to just hug them because I love them back)

But that’s for people that I’m close to. A few years back, my employer decided to publish monthly “birthday” lists of all the employees and suddenly one year I was getting wellwishes from… associates. Not that I don’t like the people, but at the same time I felt very strongly that my privacy was being violated and a vehement conversation with HR made it clear that my personal data is not relevant to the execution of my job or the company’s business.

Even with friends and family… I let them love me. It’s sweet. But… I’d rather spend my birthday alone, or with the people who don’t disturb my solitude. So it’s a bit of a balancing act of trying to get enough of what I want from my day but letting other people have what they need of it.

The point of all of this is that this year, I had a second day of birthdayness. I took the day off, I got to feel silly and entitled. If I could find it, I’d have worn my cowboy hat. Or I’d have made my Lady wear it and carry her piggy back as I laughed through my day. Good grief, I haven’t had so good a birthday every.

I’ve heard of people who have birthdays near Christmas and celebrate in the summer to have a day of their own. It never occurred to me that this technique might apply to me. And my little epiphany is that I should do this again. I told Nocturne that same day, that we should do it this way every year. So that there can be a chaotic day and a day that’s just mine. And she’s a big birthday person so I think she’ll enjoy having a two-day birthday herself.

And the reason I’m writing about it now? Well, because the conversation at work made me think about it, and because yesterday marked nine months of my relationship with Nocturne and I was just enjoying her. Which means, Gentle Reader, that you get more mush.

I wrote her a letter yesterday. I do that every so often. But yesterday I was feeling a little thwarted, by not having interesting paper so I broke out some small colourful notepads and scribbled out a letter, and then photographed it and sent her the sequence of photos. The fun part was that she discovered the email while on the phone with me and there was a few minutes of her pausing, and then laughing, and then pausing and laughing some more.

And the laughter… that’s really why I write her letters. Because I like the way she laughs and I like giving her reason to.