Anti Social Network

In which our Hero doesn’t really have a conclusion to his series of entries about women reaching out from his past but tries to fake it

As always seems to be the case, Gentle Reader, I’m with you and yet end up in a different place. I hate social networks. I hate the quasi-religious quest to get the most friends/followers/contacts/whatever. And, honestly, I hate the presumption of resumption of relationship.

On the other hand, I started to run into a weird problem, which is that my success at not being searchable was something of a challenge when my professional peers have effectively created implicit resumes simply in their search results. And so I changed my ways.

LinkedIn seemed almost a professional necessity. Too many people look there for history or contacts and so I subscribe as well. But here’s how my professional networking site would work: “What was the relationship between us” and “Would I choose to repeat that relationship?”

Because really, in every role, there have been a core of people that I’d work with again, any time, any place. A few more that were “okay in the specific role”. And the rest were effectively cannon fodder. And it’d give a really good filter between the people I’ve worked with and the people I’ve worked with that I would choose to mention.

Sorry, I digress.

The reason I use social networks is to document my presence in support of *future* relationships. This reconstructing the past thing just baffles me. I don’t go to reunions, I don’t see the point. If I was that close to you, I’d still be in touch with you. And I know that sometimes you can REconnect with people who didn’t quite make the cut last time but… I’m exclusive and choose not to share myself with strangers except in detail online whoops my bad.

My way of dealing with the people piling on is to rely on their memory and enthusiasm to fade. I go through the list of invites a few times a year, add a bunch, ignore a bunch. It feels better that way. And really, I think two of those last three contacts were just people who were just searching by “school” or program and “collecting the whole set” as the old toy commercials used to run.

When you’re kids, you’re friends by virtue of just being kids, common age, but mostly common geography. Yeah, interests count a little, but hell, find me a 6-year-old who won’t play with toy cars. I think much of grade school friendships are based on habit more than anything else. That summer camp I mentioned took me away from home and I had a month without the circumscribing expectations of friends and came back just a slightly different person.

When you’re in university, commonality of personality plays just a little more. You chose your subject, you’re studying it with other people who chose that same program. I think that’s why college friendships seem to stick a little longer, as I talk to people.

And then you hit the workforce and the common thing between you and your coworkers is not interest, and it’s not personality, it’s that you’re all wageslaves together. You don’t make real friends at work. I mean, you do, but not like it was in school. And I hear so many people lamenting how easy it was in school and how hard it is now and I laugh because I don’t think it’s a failure of us, it’s a failure of creating the circumstance. That’s why hobbies and sports and things are important.

Sorry, another digression into amateur sociology this time. It’s just a working theory that’s been spinning in my head. But it’s also what’s in my head when I’m faced with a friend request, or a whatever the hell a LinkedIn request is called.

For the record, I did accept the various requests mentioned here, out of a combination of obligation and worry that I’m being too cold. But I still have no idea why all of the contacts happened in such a short window.