A breath of winter night

In which our Hero admits to a degree of frustration

The first entry I wrote was A Line in the Sand. And every year I write another one, and it always seems righteous to make my mark, and later it seems interesting to look back and see how I’d summarize myself and my life. Part of the point is to write them without looking back, to see what I say as far from the previous one as I can manage to be. But then how can I not peek?

And I’m a little disappointed with myself. It’s so much the same, last year’s and this one. I’ve stood almost perfectly still. I’m worried about the same general things. I’m looking at the same goals. It makes me grateful for my last two months because if it wasn’t for those, I think the sameness would depress me, and leave me feeling like I’d made no progress at all. But I do have the last two months, and I do have a car, and business cards, and a change in my accountant. Things are different. So why did I write it the same?

I think it’s something to do with dynamic equilibrium. Things are changing, things are in motion. The view from the bridge is of a river, but the river is everchanging. Which is supposed to be profound, but really, I still feel frustrated that I haven’t moved myself further. Never mind if further is possible. It should be different.

So that’s a thought for this coming year. Not a resolution, but a guiding direction. A river, if you will. Defined, constant, and changing.

I’ve been thinking about things, and I may have come up with a what I want for my birthday when I turn forty. It comes of finding some notes of my mother’s, as I was going through the house. And it comes of reading the shared, and felt griefs of some of my favourites who miss their parents.

And I think that I’m going to ask my parents each to write me a letter. Now. Addressed to me at 40. If I’m cocky, I could ask for one for 50, and for 60, too. To have their thoughts and their words, in their hand.

It’s just a thought right now. But it seems like a good one. Assuming they don’t just laugh at me for asking.

And by request, but also to celebrate one of the bits of progress in my life, here’s the sanitized version of my card. The only thing I didn’t change was my title. (Well, I printed about 6 titles, but this one is my favourite.)

Unfortunately, changing as much as I did screws up the alignment on the card, especially with the company name, but I had to keep the word ninja in there so the glyph made a little more sense.

And yes, that’s a european format business card. Because I like the thought of my card standing out from the pile.