Where Do They Go?

Almost immediately I left the priesthood and moved to Sydney, I met the most wonderful man. I fell in love with him instant;y we met. We were boyfriends for two years, until he had to leave Australia and move to Singapore. We are still the best of friends. But at the time our partnership ended I was inconsolable. I still it were otherwise, and hope that one day we might be able to resume being boyfriends. Anyway, the following was written at a time when I was feeling low and wondering what to do with all my feelings:

I wonder what happens to them: the memories of the first time you saw him and fell in love with him instantly; the first time you saw his beautiful body naked, and all the times you gave pleasure to his body and he to yours; the first meal you had together, and all the other meals you shared, no matter how simple or lavish; the first time you held hands with him in public; the long deliberations you took over each and every gift, small or large, you bought him; the pleasure of getting to know his nipple, his penis, his lips; the anniversaries, birthdays, Valentines Days, Christmases; the night he gave you a ring – the first and only you’ve ever been given and the first he’s given to anyone; the plans, hopes and dreams of the future together; the joy and ecstacy of just being in his presence; the words he spoke and wrote to you; the words you spoke and wrote to him; the tears you cried when you were separated by distance. When he tells you it’s over, where do all these go? Were they all wrong? Should they never have been in the first place? Do they all go to some graveyard for unfulfilled or unrealised relationships? Do they just float around in some form of limbo, doomed to always exist and never biodegrade? Do they just fade with time? Should they fade with time? Or should they be honoured for the sacredness they brought to your life, your heart, your soul?

Where do they go?