Two Weeks Later

 

So you called today to let me know that you were thinking about me…gee thanks.  Normal people call all the time when they think of people as a sign of affection to say that they miss you.  But you, who knows.  I really have no interest in talking to you anymore because it has been made quite clear to me that it is pointless because we wont be together unless we are together, around each other in the same place.  I realized that you either don’t care, don’t know how to care, or care and just don’t want to show it.  Either way I am annoyed and tired of trying “I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only love.”

~Mother Theresa~ that is how I feel.  If it happens it happens. 

 

Talking to you today you seemed to not even know that my birthday is Tuesday.  I am already expecting you not to call because its not like you are ever there for me when I need you, so hah why start now.  You said that we would spend a weekend together before you left and I said right, because you always say that and nothing as of recently has been happening.  I promised myself that I would stop trying and I have.  You were here last weekend and didn’t even bother to call, but whatever to say I was upset would be an understatement.  But with all things consider maybe its for the best because more and more I realized that you don’t deserve me because you cant appreciate me.  Like always Im sure you will realize it later down the line but whatever, only time can tell.  You say you will be in the area this weekend as well, but I care but I don’t because you aren’t coming for me so I really don’t care to see you for a night, I deserve more and you don’t give me anything.

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June 7, 2004

Wow……talk about a little bitter. I guess I need to hear the whole story before I could ever really know what’s going on. But good luck and God Bless! ~ Peter

June 8, 2004

I def. understand the “whatever” feeling oh so well…I hope that at least you are able to have a good visit or even convo. before he leaves, b’c you’re right…you do deserve more. It sucks to have to say that when all you want is them and for whatever reason they can’t do it right. But 4 now today is your day- Happy Bday!!! Do you ma’am and “f” anyone who rains on your parade. hoLLa!