Single

Its been a while since I have had that one in my life.  You know the one that is there to make you laugh and feel beautiful, the one that can make your day seem so much brighter, the one that you wake up thinking about, the one who says they love you, and miss you, the one that can change the way you think and feel.  The one that has the ability to determine how you feel each day.

Well one great thing about being single is that you are the one to do all of those things by yourself.  Wait let me rephrase that you are able to learn how you would want those things done. You learn how to be independent; you learn that if you aren’t there to love yourself no one else will.  Being able to stand alone (in the sense of relationships) you realize who you are.  I never have had the chance to be alone, alone meaning without a boyfriend. 

Being single is weird.  Its like you have so many options but just as many limitations.  I can do this or I can do that, but the question is do I want to do that? Or should I do that? Who’s to say? No one.  I’ve been hurt, and I have hurt others.  After having been single for the longest period of my life, its hard for me to want or even see myself in another relationship where I am giving someone all of me.  How do you do that? I have done it before so I know I can.  Its just that I don’t want to…unless well you know.  I love him and I tell myself he is not the reason I am single but in a way he kinda is.  But yeh…

The leasing office boy, who in others eyes looked to be perfect for me…hahaha as we all know looks can be deceiving.  But I have also learned to go with my intuition and something just isn’t right, I don’t know what exactly just yet, but all in due time J.  Each day is something new, and new story or as I see it a new lie. Hmm I don’t know.

Just had to clear my head

In love and single…